Page 49 of Vail

We stood here and looked into the mirror, my arms around you. We were happy.

The first time we were. But he changed. I took the note and crumbled it into a ball.

The next one was stuck to the banister that led upstairs.

I carried you up these when you were too tired and fell asleep on the couch in my arms.

What he neglected to add was he had knocked me unconscious.

Everywhere we went there were more of them. Note after note of fond memories for him. In his mind, I was certain that was what they were. He didn’t live through the hell I did.

By the time we got to the kitchen, I had tears silently falling down my cheeks. Jordan started grabbing the notes before I could get them after that. He climbed the stairs and tore through every room. I heard his shoes on the hardwood floor, pounding from room to room.

Hartley embraced me, held me through my tears, telling me how much he loved me and how they were there for me. The tears wouldn’t stop though. The only thing I could do was turn them into anger. Let them fuel me.

It was Sheldon who handed me the sledgehammer. I didn’t bother to aim. I made sure there was no one near me and simply swung and connected. The dining table was my first target. It was a thick farmhouse style. It took a few swings, but it eventually fell. I moved through the kitchen, hitting the counters, the cabinets. Glasses and dishes shattered. Pieces hit me, but I didn’t care. I vaguely heard Oleander say he shut off the water main and cut the power to the house.

The living room wall was much easier, the sheetrock giving way. The sledgehammer wouldn’t work well on the couches. Jordan handed me a knife though. I tore through the fabric.

Pictures of Gil and me on the mantle of the fireplace found their way into my hand. I threw them across the room, careful not to hit anyone. They mostly stayed on the sidelines.

My chest heaved and sweat mixed with my tears as I went through every room on the first floor. At the base of the stairs, I looked up but couldn’t bring myself to go to the second floor.

Turning, I handed the sledgehammer to Jordan. “Could you?”

“Of course.”

“Hart, could you take care of the furniture?”

“I’ve got you.” He had an ax in his hands, his fingers wrapped around the wooden handle.

The two of them climbed the stairs while I went outside and bent over at the waist to suck in much-needed fresh air. It was a hand rubbing circles on my back that finally had me dropping to my knees as sobs racked my body.

“I’m here,” Sheldon said. He pulled me to him and held me as I raged at the world. As screams tore up my throat until my voice became hoarse. Sheldon rocked me, kept me close.

I wasn’t alone. Not in any of this. I had Hartley and Jordan. Sheldon, Oleander, and the others. I had people who cared about me, who refused to let me go through it alone. And if they could have, each one of them would have murdered Gil for me. They would have torn his body to pieces with one word from me. I almost asked them to. But like I didn’t want more blood on Jordan’s hands, I didn’t want it on theirs either.

My tears had dried by the time the men I loved exited the front of the house. From the outside, it looked like it always did. The inside was where we did the damage.

“There will be a crew here tomorrow to start the demolition,” Jordan said. “I’ve already contacted a non-profit about donating the land. This will be part of your past soon enough.”

“I might have carved something into one of the walls upstairs with the ax,” Hartley grinned wickedly.

Sheldon released me so I could get to my feet. Hartley and Jordan held me the moment I got within reaching distance to them.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you so much for doing this for me. You have no idea how much your support means to me.”

“You don’t have to thank us,” Hartley said. “We’ll do anything for you.”

I nodded against them; grateful they were here to hold me up when I could barely stand. I turned and thanked all of them for being here with me.

As we were about to leave, I saw one of the neighbors walk over to ask if everything was okay. Albert intercepted him, assuring him it was perfectly fine and to move along. They didn’t hear me when Gil used to beat me. He always did it inside. If I was loud and screamed, I got hit. If I yelled for him to stop, he beat me harder.

No, I said to myself. I had enough memories resurface today. I was done. No more. This had to end. They wouldn’t ever completely leave me, but I could lock them away where they could stop inflicting pain. I could push them to the back of my mind and focus on the good in my life.

That was just what I did as we walked to the SUV. I focused on the work I had to do in the space Jordan gave me. On the menus I couldn’t wait to plan to feed the people who worked for him. I listened to Hartley ask Albert about the hawk he saw when we were in the SUV turning around in the driveway, while Hartley ran his fingers along the inside of my arm. And I heard Jordan’s sigh as he dropped his head back, while Albert gave Hartley a lesson about the hawk.

These were the things that made me happy. These men, this environment I was part of. It was more than I could have hoped for. And it was just what I needed to help me continue to heal and move on with my life. To my future. To our future, where anything was possible.

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