Page 33 of Sink With Me

Those words shouldn’t throw me off, but they do, and as she swings, I don’t move fast enough causing her fist to collide with my cheek. I hold it, shocked, letting it fill me with unbridled rage. Her pretty face is going to be swollen and red by the time I’m done. Fuck him. And fuck her. And fuck Sam and fuck them all. I fucking hate feelings. I wish I could just get rid of them like Dutton tells me to.

Breathe.

Fuck that.

A roar of commotion buzzes in my ears, forcing my mind to pull itself out of its haze as I launch myself forwards only for her to dip out and Moe to appear. The momentum is too great, I’m going to hit him, I’m going to—

A strong, calloused hand wraps my wrist and I’m turned face-to-face with him panting, but locked in his eyes. I can see Moe inch away in my peripherals. It’s his fault. He’s corrupted the logical sides of my brain with his stupid, false acts of caring gestures.

“What do you think you are doing, exactly?” His voice is so low it’s practically a rumble in his chest.

“They are the enemies, they’re manipulative and well-knowledgeable. You can’t let anything cloud your vision.”

I flinch as Tide’s thumb brushes against my head, and the cool liquid smears from where his finger drags. I can only imagine how hard I’m sweating if it’s sliding that easily.

“Everyone out.” He growls, but our stare down remains intense.

“You’re gonna be late for whatever important business you two have.” I spit, my chin tilting towards the back of the blonde being dragged away from me by Sam’s arms. Shoving at his chest, I create some distance.

“I wasn’t going to hit him.” I hang my head. He closes the gap again.

“No? Then why did it look like you were?”

“They… they…” Looking into his eyes again I see no benefit in trying to rat his second in command out. “I wouldn’t have.”

“And if I hadn’t stopped you?”

“I wouldn’t have.” It rattles out between my bared teeth.

He pulls back, not giving a flicker of emotion besides his brows creasing as they lower over his eyes as he looks down at his hand to the sight of red trickling down his thumb. If I was an idiot, I’d say he was looking pretty concerned.

Good thing I’m not one. This is my captor, the man who’s tracked me for years, as I have, him. He’s not just a man I met at a carnival. He’s not some knight in shining armor. He’s a monster, undeserving of anything except pain like that which he and the man before him inflicted.

My heart pounds. It’s too hard to swallow, and it takes too much effort to breathe the longer his eyes track mine. Not only does he hold me hostage in this base, he holds me hostage in my head, too. I don't think I have a soul, it must’ve been ripped out long ago, but when his eyes soften and he reaches for my face again I feel like I have to protect one.

No.

Before I can let my thoughts get the better of me, I turn in a dead sprint right toward that empty space, the deep baritone of his voice falling to the ground behind me.

“Don’t look back, Sharkie, it’ll do you more bad than good. Just keep pushing.” Dutton’s brows crease into a hard furrow as I push back through the obstacle course. I know I need to be the perfect soldier. I need to make him proud.

”They sank them without remorse. You wanna make your parents proud? PUSH. HARDER.” He walks over the side of the barbed wire fence as mud coats my stomach and scratches adorn my skin. Rain blurs my vision, accompanied by the familiar sting behind my eyes. My breaths are coming in shallow spurts as I force myself over the wall until I tumble over to the other side. I have to beat this time if I want to receive a reward and not punishment.

I need to learn from my mistakes.

Everything is quiet besides the distant click of his stopwatch as my feet came to a halt at the end.

“You’ll have to do better. I’ve done my part, now you’ll have to do yours.”

My stomach drops from the harsh tone of his voice. I know what’s coming but like he always says; I deserve it. If I want to be the best, I need to know how to handle the worst.

I steady my breathing as each step sinks me further into the sand. I don’t know where I’m going, let alone where I’m at, but I can’t look back. I want to stab so many holes in him, I want to push a gun to his temple and have him take a deep breath through his head. I want to pulverize him until he's nothing, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at him while I do it. That’s never been a problem, it shouldn't be now.

Refocus Sharkie. His faction manipulated and broke down Bay, mine recanted. His father ruined my life, I ruined his. The war was over, a new one was created. There’s so much turning in a full circle with no opening or way out. How do I break the cycle?

The sun heats my skin, the loud siren somewhere behind me drowning out the racing of my heart. It started with them. It has to end with me, even though I don’t know if I can survive the mind games. My feet stagger in the sand, I’m losing momentum, and I should’ve looked back.

One second, there’s a large unoccupied boat in front of me, and the next I’m eating sand. Even on the open beach, I can feel the world closing in around me, dragging me back towards the water where it can shove me under until it’s filling my lungs. I scream as I kick my feet and wrestle to break my ankles free from an iron grip, but it doesn’t lessen. In a last-minute haste, I flip my body still kicking for my life because that’s what this is. A fight for my life, my sanity, my parents, the world.

---