Page 15 of Sink With Me

“You know I’m only helping.” His mouth dips to my ear again.

I’m not admitting the sinking feeling in my stomach has disappeared, if that’s what he expects. Daymen's hands stay firm with mine, holding them in place on the back of his neck with his thumbs brushing soothing lines. It’s hypnotic, each breath he takes in time with the steady sway of the boat, and I can’t help but copy his actions.

Did my parents ever hold each other like this late at night when no one was looking?

The physical contact doesn’t last long enough as my arms are lowered back to my sides. He steps back. Instead of reaching for the rail, I cross them over my chest, trying to combat the sudden foreboding feeling of loneliness. He clears his throat, I don’t move.

“Goodnight Captain.”

His footsteps recede, leaving me with only my thoughts for company, just how it should be. But that’s not what I want.

Date: 4-29-2024

Time: 1005

My teeth grind as the rookie at my feet struggles to do a proper push-up. It’s a slap in the face, having my handpicked team look like they’ve never seen a day of training. It’s as if Dutton snatched up a pile of forms and said, ‘these will do’.

“Straighten. Your. Back.” I try to keep my tone calm, but each word comes through clenched teeth. What’s going to happen if we’re compromised? Will any of these people even know what to do? How to defend themselves? How to fight?

I pinch the bridge of my nose, battling back against a rapidly forming headache. Everything is going to be fine. I can complete my mission no matter what. Afterward, I’ll treat myself to a bubble bath and a large glass of wine, or maybe just the entire bottle. That can be my motivation along with the idea of obliterating Depth. I clasp my hands behind me and line my shoulders. The soldier finally straightens his back and does a proper push-up. Not too bad. If I had to get these men and women ready to fight on my own, then so be it. Dutton would be hearing a harsh word or two from me.

“Go to the flight deck. Ensure the crew knows to keep the helicopter pad clear in case we need emergency evacuation.” The soldier jumps to his feet. I don’t blame him, I don’t like being around cranky superiors either. On the plus side, at least my members know how to stand at attention.

I give him a curt nod. “Dismissed.”

Time is going too slowly. Every minute we spend out here in the vast open sea is another minute wasted. No one talks about the moments leading up to your greatest accomplishment, exclusively the aftermath. Now I see why. It’s absolute torture. I brush my hand against the back of my neck, moving the flyaways off my skin. While waiting, you have too much time to think of every scenario, good, bad, ugly. Your mind plays games envisioning bodies that weren’t supposed to fall, and innocent lives ending painfully. I take another breath, pulling the collar of my shirt from my neck. Why is it so damn hot in here?

All my time on the field alone has messed with me. That’s all this odd feeling is, just an inconsistency in my routine. I growl, wiping my hands against my navy pants. Everything is fine, the team needs a little work, but I earned my rank, I was put in my position for a reason. The ship's internal machinery rumbles below my feet, reverberating through my bones until it fills my ears, silencing my raging internal battle. Stretching my arms out, my hands trail the narrow space of the corridors.

It’s an eerie feeling wandering to the control room, the metal siding gliding under my fingers occasionally dips into another entryway that I don’t have the confidence to explore just yet. I know where the vital areas are, no need in raising my uneasiness for the sake of being nosey. Subtle beeps and voices integrate to a soothing noise, similar to how headquarters sounds on a calm day.

“... and the captain makes that call.”

Pausing in the threshold I look between the ship’s commander and Joey. He sure does know how to make any space around him feel dreadful, I wonder what his war stories consist of. He’s undoubtedly older, judging by the faded scars lining his cheekbone down to his neck now visible from the light filtering through the view windows. Everyone stands bolt upright. I nod to the commander, who does the same in return and everyone relaxes.

“I apologize for intruding. I just wanted to check on our progress.”

Please tell me how much longer we have in this purgatory?

“I was just talking to the Sergeant about that.” He snaps a look of disdain towards Joey. “We are making our estimated time.”

I quietly observe the exchange, and the odd feeling grows a little. With hands clasped behind back, I round the bodies until I’m standing in front of the control panels looking out to the watery horizon.

“Sergeant,” my tongue sucks the back of my teeth, “there are some soldiers near the docking pad, gather them and run them through what to do when compromised.” I turn to face him tilting my chin up, he easily towers over me, but I like the feeling of looking down the bridge of my nose at him. Something flashes over his dead eyes, making my guts recoil. He dips at the waist and leaves. Dutton would've had a fit if he had seen that, ‘he’s not a butler, he’s a soldier’.

“So, we’re doing well on timing then?” My shoulders relax as I turn to the commander. He moves with the grace of a professional, flicking through switches and buttons, bobbing his head quickly while he rushes through the motions. I’m probably distracting him. No doubt he was already put behind on his work while he was talking.

“When we’re around ninety-six and a half clicks out, I’ll boost the engines up. Rather not waste resources before then.”

“Agreed.”

At least now I know we’ll make quick time when we’re close. So, I leave him to his work, while I go to do my own, painfully aware of the fact I have little time to prepare the dozen that are relying on me. Technically I only need to oversee ten considering Daymen and Joey are experienced.

Daymen. Somehow, he was outcompeting the other man who usually occupied my cerebral, but I shake it off as I settle behind my desk, the trash can lingering nearby, just in case.

Date: 4-29-2024

Time: 1734

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