Page 83 of Home With You

"Why not?" I ask, going to sit beside her.

"I already had it. But without the dog and the kids."

Knowing I can't ask her anything, I keep quiet and wait to see what she'll say next. Maybe if I don't push her, she'll tell me about her past without me asking.

She lies back on the bed, her legs dangling over the side, and closes her eyes. "It was a two story with this beautiful gray stone on the outside and big white columns in front by the door. It had five bedrooms. Four baths. When Rob first took me there, I couldn't figure out why he wanted a house that big. When I asked him, he told me it was because he wanted a family someday. He just needed to find the right girl." She pauses. "I really thought he meant it. And maybe part of him did."

I lie beside her, but remain quiet. I don't know what changed her mind, but now that she's opening up to me I don't want her to stop.

"He didn't own the house," she says. "He rented it. I found that out later. He didn't tell me. I found out when the owner showed up one day to check something on the furnace. It was the first lie I found out about. But not the last." She takes a breath, her eyes still closed like she's reliving the story as she tells it. "When I asked Rob about the house and why he didn't tell me it wasn't his, he said he thought I already knew he was renting it. He said he never told me he owned it. It was true. He never did. But he never told me he didn't either. That's how he got around the truth. By keeping things from me and leading me to assumptions that weren't true. He was smart that way. Smarter than I gave him credit for."

Silence fills the room as she lies there, not moving, her eyes closed, as if she's in her own world. The one she used to live in. The one she somehow escaped. Minutes pass by before she continues.

"He was ten years older than me, but when I saw him I was immediately drawn to him. The other waitresses were too. I was working with three other girls that day and we all stopped and stared at him as he walked in. It wasn't just because of his looks. It was because of how he carried himself, with so much confidence and power, like he owned whatever room he walked in. He definitely owned the attention of all the girls in the restaurant that night. But he was seated at my table."

She suddenly gets up from the bed and goes to the window, her back to me. Afraid she'll stop talking if I go over there, I stay where I'm at.

"He smiled at me. Asked me questions. Acted interested in me like no guy ever had. Before he left, we made plans to go out. The other waitresses were so jealous, wishing they were me. Nobody had ever wished they were me." She leans against the window sill, gazing out at the city. "I think that's why I fell for him so fast. Because he was something every other girl wanted but he was mine. He wanted me over anyone else. He chose me." She pauses. "That should've been my clue that something wasn't right. Why would a guy like him choose someone like me? He was rich. Successful. Drove an expensive car. Lived in a beautiful house. Why would he want some waitress he picked up in a truck-stop restaurant off the interstate?"

She looks down a moment, then back up, gazing out the window. "I moved in with him soon after we started dating. He told me to quit my job. That I didn't need money. That he'd take care of me. And he did. For over a year I lived in his house, ate his food, wore the clothes he bought me. I thought he did all that out of love but it was really to control me. To make sure I stayed with him. I still don't know why he wanted that. Why he wanted me and not some other girl. I guess maybe he thought I was the type of girl to keep quiet. He knew about my past. About the drugs and the arrest. He knew I grew up with almost nothing and had parents that didn't want me. I guess he thought a girl like me would do anything to keep the life that he'd given me. Problem is, I'm not that girl."

Raine turns to me. "So there you go. That's the story. It's why I don't trust myself to be with someone like you. Or any guy. I made a huge mistake with Rob. I only saw what I wanted to see. I didn't see the truth. I can't make that mistake again."

I get up and walk over to her. "I'm not him. I would never do whatever it is he did to you."

"That's what you don't get. I never thought Rob was bad until the day I found out the truth about him. Before that, the signs were there but I didn't see them. I was too blinded by what I felt for him. What I wanted to believe."

"It's not the same with me."

Her eyes go to mine. "You chose me, Miles. You saw me in the coffee shop that night and chose me as the girl you wanted to date. You pursued me. You bought me food. Clothes. Put a roof over my head." She looks down. "It's almost scary how similar it is. I feel like I'm doing it all over again."

I grasp her arms to get her to look at me. "Raine, I did those things to help you, not control you. There's no strings attached. I don't expect anything in return. I gave you those things because I care about you. I wanted you to have a tent that wasn't ripped to shreds. And clothes that would keep you warm. I gave you food so you wouldn't have to eat out of the trash. You made it clear you wouldn't date me and yet I still gave you that stuff. That should prove to you I'm not doing all this because I think it'll make you go out with me."

"But you're hoping for that. You said it yourself. You want that and you haven't given up."

"Because it's hard to give up when you feel this strongly for someone." I let go of her but keep my eyes on hers. "I know you say you don't want this, but I also know you have feelings for me. I know you're scared and now I know why—well, kind of. I don't really know the whole story yet but I know you're afraid to trust what you feel. I'm afraid too. I've been lied to and cheated on, and after that, I didn't want to date again. I didn't want to be hurt like that again. But then I met you and I was willing to risk it. That's how I knew you weren't just any girl."

"It's different for me." Raine goes to the stairs and sits down on the top step. "Rob didn't just lie. He created this life, this fantasy life, to draw me in and keep me so that I'd never leave him. He used money and possessions to control me, knowing how much I wanted those things. How much I wanted that life."

"But then it ended," I say, hoping it'll spur her to finish the story.

She looks down at her hand, running her finger over her palm. "Someone showed up at the door. A girl. Maybe 17? She was cute. Short and tiny with blond hair in a braid that hung over her shoulder. I thought maybe she was there to sell me something. Like maybe she was doing a fundraiser for her school." Raine continues to run her finger over the center of her palm. "But then she shoved money at me and told me to hurry up. I had no idea why she gave me money or what she was talking about. When I asked her, she tried to shove the door open and started yelling for Rob. I held the door and wouldn't let her in. She kept yelling for Rob and I got this sick feeling in my stomach, thinking he'd cheated on me with this girl."

Raine stops suddenly, gazing down the stairs at the living room below.

"Did he?" I ask, but then wish I'd kept quiet. I'm trying not to push her to talk but I want her to finish. I need the end of the story. "Was he cheating?"

"No. Or at least that's what he told me when he tried to explain. But it was too late. I wasn't taking him back. Not after I found out what he'd been doing. How he made all that money."

She wipes her eyes and I rush up beside her, kneeling down and putting my arm around her. "It's okay. You can tell me."

She nods and moves over as I sit beside her on the step.

"The girl wouldn't leave. I told her Rob wasn't home but she wouldn't leave. She said she needed the pills. That she was desperate and couldn't wait."

"Pills?" I ask. "What kind of pills?"

"Pain pills." Raine sighs. "The same kind I was addicted to. Turns out Rob was a dealer. He was selling prescription pain meds to anyone and everyone who would give him money, even someone as young as this girl." Raine wipes her eyes again. "I was almost the same age as her when I started. I was supposed to get a job and go to community college. I had plans for my life. But it all ended when a guy offered me a pill."

---