Page 73 of Home With You

Turning on the TV, I lower the volume and flip through the channels. I stop on a travel show, drawn in by pictures of white sand beaches and turquoise water. I've never been to a beach but always wanted to go. Rob promised me he'd take me someday but it was just another one of his lies.

I shut off the TV and walk to the window to look out at the city. From the view from his window I can see the park where I used to hang out during the day, waiting for the office workers to toss their trash so I could take whatever they didn't eat. I haven't done that for weeks now. Miles has given us enough food that I haven't needed to sort through the trash. But it won't last. He can't feed Gladys and me forever.

Grabbing my backpack from the floor, I bring it to the bathroom and pull out some clothes. The bathroom is small but nice with a granite topped vanity and walk-in shower. It reminds me of the house I used to live in. I quickly shake those memories away and tell myself it's not the same.

I grab a towel from the cabinet and start the shower. The last time I showered was right before I left the hospital. Since then, I've had to wash off using sinks in public restrooms. I've gotten pretty good at getting clean that way but it's nothing like the feel of a hot shower. I step inside and take a long deep breath as the water runs over me and steam surrounds me.

I used to take this for granted. A shower was just something you do every morning. Sometimes it seemed like a chore and I just wanted to hurry and get it over with. But now? It's a luxury. Something I will never take for granted again. Same with laundry. I used to hate doing it but now I'd give anything for the chance to wash my clothes. Miles said I could use his machine and I might take him up on the offer.

The shower has two shelves but only one of them has stuff on it. There's a bar of soap and I reach for it, then wonder if maybe I shouldn't. Would Miles care if I used his soap? It's my only option so I take it and begin lathering up, breathing in the fresh scent and savoring how great it feels to be clean again. The type of clean that comes from a shower instead of just wiping myself down with hand soap and paper towels in a public restroom.

As I rub the soap over my skin, I realize this same soap has been all over Miles' body. Over his muscular arms. His hard lean chest. Below his waist. The thought causes a tingle of pleasure in my lower abs, extending down between my legs. I close my eyes and tip my head back into the stream of water, letting myself imagine what it would be like to be with Miles. If that kiss we shared is any indication, then what I'm imagining isn't even close to what it'd be like in real life.

I miss being with a man that way. Rob and I had no issues in that part of our relationship. The sex was explosive and passionate, and I was always left satisfied. But I never felt love when we did it. There was lust and attraction, but never love. We had sex. That was it. We never made love.

Shutting off the shower, I grab the thick white towel and wrap it around me, breathing in the warm steam. It's pure heaven, and makes me want to just stay in here for the rest of the day. If there was a tub in here, I'd do just that. I love taking baths even more than showers.

After I dry off, I put on my jeans and t-shirt, wishing I'd washed them first. I've worn them several times and I don't like putting on dirty clothes now that I'm clean from the shower.

I towel off my hair and look at myself in the mirror. I usually try to avoid mirrors because I don't want to see how I look.

Staring back at myself, I see that my face is thin. Much thinner than it used to be, my eyes sunken in and my cheekbones more visible than I remember. I'm not sure how much weight I've lost since being homeless but it has to be at least 15 pounds, maybe more. My jeans hang on me. I have to use a belt to keep them up. If it were just me trying to feed myself, I wouldn't be this thin. But feeding Gladys before myself means that I often go hungry. There just isn't enough food for the two of us.

Leaving the bathroom, I go back to the living room and set my backpack by the door. I keep feeling like I need to leave. Like I don't belong here. Like I should just go and let Miles have his apartment to himself.

There's a knock on the door and I startle at the sound. Was Miles expecting visitors?

They knock again. I glance up at the bedroom and see Miles is still sleeping. Should I wake him up or just answer the door?

"Miles," I hear a voice say. "You in there?"

I unlock the door and open it just a crack. Two guys are standing there along with a young woman in a suit.

"Hey, is this Miles' place?" the one guy asks. He looks a few years older than me and has really dark hair and thick eyebrows.

"Yes, but he's sleeping," I say.

The dark-haired guy looks at the other guy, who looks just like him only younger.

He looks back at me. "Can you tell him I stopped by? I'm Devin. I work with Miles. I'm helping my brother look at apartments. We just did a tour here and I thought I'd stop by and say hi to Miles."

"Oh. Okay, I'll tell him you were here."

"Should we go back to the office and discuss the rental terms?" the woman asks Devin's brother.

"Yeah, sure." He follows her to the elevator but Devin remains at the door.

"So are you Miles' girlfriend?" he asks.

"No. I'm just here for the night."

He smiles like I meant something else. Seriously? Like I'd really come out and admit I was just here for sex if that was my reason for being here?

"We're just friends," I say. "I'll tell him you came by." I go to close the door but he stops me.

"Hey, could you also tell him we're going to the bar by the firm at seven tonight? It'll be Mark and me and Lucas, my brother, and some of his friends. Oh, and tell him Giselle will be there."

"Giselle?"

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