Page 20 of Home With You

"Did he ask to see you again?"

I hesitate. "Yes. But I didn't agree to it. I told him no."

"If he works around here, he'll see you. But don't talk to him. Do you hear me?" She reaches over and squeezes my arm. "Please tell me you'll stay away from him."

I yank my arm away. "I'm not a kid. I don't need to be told what to do." I take a breath. "Let's just stop talking about this. So what happened today? Anyone come by?"

She sighs. "Oh, Raine."

"What?"

"He already has your attention. I can tell by the way you talk about him and how defensive you're getting. You feel something for this young man. That's not good."

I shoot up to standing. "I don't feel anything for him! He's just some stupid guy that hangs out at the coffee shop. Why are you turning this into something it's not? And for the record, I'm defensive because you're making up stuff that isn't true."

"Calm down, dear. I wasn't trying to upset you." She coughs, the loud hacking cough she's had for months that never gets any better because she can't afford a doctor or medicine. It makes me feel bad for getting angry at her.

I sit back down on the crate. "Nothing's going to happen. I promise." I look down at the cracked concrete in front of me, kicking the loose pieces around. "Even if I liked him, it'd never go anywhere. Not when he found out."

"Found out what, dear?"

"Found out I live here. On the streets."

"He doesn't know?" she asks, sounding shocked.

"No. I didn't tell him. I was going to, but then we started talking and I never got around to it."

"How could he not know? You're out there every day. He had to have seen you."

My heart feels heavy hearing her words. I want so badly to have a normal life. A life where I can have coffee with a guy like Miles and actually have it go somewhere, even if it's just a first date. But that's not my life and soon he'll see me digging in the trash and know I'm one of them. The people who make him, and everyone else, uncomfortable.

"He's new in town," I explain. "He hasn't seen me looking for food. He assumed I was in college. I told him I'm not but didn't say any more than that. I was going to. I just couldn't make myself do it."

"Because you like this boy. It's what I've been trying to tell you." She turns to me. "My mind may not be as sharp as it once was but my eyes still work and they can see that you feel something for this boy."

"Because I WANT to feel that way, not because I do. I want to have a guy flirt with me because he likes me, not because he thinks I'll give him my body for money." My eyes are wet and I squeeze them shut, refusing to cry. "That's how they look at me."

I feel her hand on my arm. "It won't always be like this. Someday soon, you'll get back on your feet. You'll get a good job, a nice little apartment, and you'll meet a boy. A boy who cares about you. Loves you."

"I thought I had that. I was sure of it. But I was wrong." I open my eyes and look at her. "What if I'm wrong again? I don't trust myself to give my heart to someone again."

She smiles. "You will. And next time you'll know when it's real. You're smarter now. You'll know when a boy isn't being true. You'll see the signs."

I nod and look away.

After a few minutes, I get up and get ready for bed. For us, that means putting up the tent and laying the blankets inside. I lay down, feeling the hard concrete under me. Gladys lays down beside me, coughing, like she always does when she lays down.

About a half hour later, as I'm falling asleep, I hear Gladys say, "It was nice he took you for coffee."

It WAS nice, but it wasn't real. What's real is sleeping on the ground in an old, ripped, smelly tent, my stomach growling because half a fritter is all I've had to eat the past twelve hours. What's real is wondering when I'll eat again, if I'll be safe tonight, if the cops will show up and tell us we have to leave.

That's reality. Miles is just a dream.

6

Miles

"You going with us tonight?" Devin asks as I go in the break room to fill my water bottle.

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