Page 67 of Anyone But Her

Chapter Thirteen

Luke

Taylor reaches over and wraps her arms around me. "Luke, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry he's gone."

"It just hit me, you know? That he's gone. That I'll never see him again." My voice falters and tears stream down my face.

I don't normally show emotion and I almost never cry. Growing up I had to be tough to survive living with my dad. But losing Albert? I can't hide how I'm feeling. I thought I could but tonight something happened and all the pain and hurt and loss I was feeling hit me all at once.

"It's okay," Taylor says, hugging me. "It's gonna be okay. Right now it hurts but I promise it'll get better."

My plan to not let myself get closer to her is completely shot. Letting her see me like this? Crying on her shoulder? Being vulnerable? I'm letting her get closer to me than I'd let anyone else, even Cal.

"I didn't even cry at his funeral," I say. "I didn't really feel anything that day. It's like I just shut down."

"I think sometimes it takes time to sink in. When my grandpa died it didn't hit my dad until a week later. He was really close to his dad. They used to do everything together. Then one day my grandpa had a heart attack and was gone. My dad went almost a week without talking about it. He acted like it didn't happen. Even my mom couldn't get through to him. But when he finally accepted his dad wasn't coming back, it hit him hard."

I sit back and wipe my face. "I guess the same thing's happening to me. I thought I was getting past it but then it just hit me and I was overcome by this feeling of loss. I wasn't ready for him to go. We had so many plans. I wanted him to see me play professionally. I wanted him to see me win a tournament."

"You've won tournaments before."

"As an amateur, in minor tournaments. That's not the same. Albert's dream was to see me play in a major tournament. I wanted that too." I look at Taylor. "I wanted to make him proud."

"You did." She takes my hand. "Albert didn't need you to win a major tournament to be proud of you. He already was."

I half-smile, wiping the last few tears away. "You never even met him."

"But Cal did. And he told me Albert loved you like a son. He could tell how much Albert cared about you."

"He did. I just really wanted him to see me play professionally. To see that I made it. He worked so hard and invested so much money to help me get this far, and then he doesn't get to see the end result."

"But he did. He saw you grow into a good person. Someone who works hard. Someone who doesn't give up. He helped you become that person and I bet if he were here right now he'd say that's what he's most proud of. Helping you become the person you are now."

I smile. "Thanks. I needed to hear that."

"Anytime." She smiles back. I love seeing that smile. That alone makes me feel better. So does having her here. There's just something about her that always makes me feel better.

I reach in the pocket of my shorts and take out the yellow golf ball. "This is what did it. This is what made it finally hit me that he's gone." I hold up the yellow ball. "I was unpacking my stuff and found this in one of the boxes. It's the first thing Albert ever gave me. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was five and my parents had just rented the house next door to Albert's. They were moving in and yelling at each other and I wanted to get away. I was tired of hearing them fight, and at that age it scared me. Albert came over and saved me. He introduced himself and offered to watch me while my parents moved in."

"And they let him? A total stranger?"

"They didn't care. They were happy to get rid of me. Anyway, when I got to Albert's house I saw this yellow ball." I hold it in my palm and run my finger over it, remembering that day. "I'd never seen a ball like this. With the dimples all around it? I asked Albert why it had that funny texture and he said because the ball is happy. He said it's smiling, and when it smiles, its dimples show, just like when I smile. My dimples show."

"That's really sweet." She holds her hand out. "Can I see it?"

I hand her the ball, rotating it to the side that has the black marker on it. "Albert did this. He drew a smiley face with a black marker on the ball so I'd remember why the dimples are there. When he said all that I remember being confused. I couldn't figure out why a ball would be happy."

"Did you ask him?"

"Yeah, and he said because the ball doesn't let anything get him down. He said the ball loves being up in the air but it's also happy just sitting on the ground or resting in my hand. Albert said that whenever I'm feeling sad to look at the ball and remember that no matter how bad a day I'm having, there's always something to smile about."

She wipes her eyes. "You're making me cry." She hits my shoulder. "Stop it."

"If I cry, you have to cry. It's a rule."

She hands me back the ball. "I see why finding that ball made you sad. I don't even know Albert and that story made me sad."

"I really miss him." I lean back in my chair. "I wish I would've told him how much he means to me before it was too late."

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