Page 129 of One Night

"You don't have to go," I tell her.

She eyes Dylan and me. "I really need a latte. See ya." She gets her coat and hurries out of the apartment.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you," I say to Dylan.

"You haven't called me all week. What's going on?"

"I've just been busy."

"You were busy before winter break and you still found time to call me. So what is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"No." I pull my feet up under me on the couch. "I just need time to think."

"Think about what?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

My eyes shift to the floor. "I need to figure out what we're doing and if we should...if we should continue."

"Okay, hold on." He gets up from the chair and sits beside me. He lifts my chin up so I'm forced to look at him. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"I...I don't know."

"What the hell?" His hand drops from my face. "Is this because of what happened at lunch? Are you mad at me for showing up there without telling you?"

"No. It's not that. I'm just confused. I don't know what I want right now."

"I thought you wanted this. Us. I thought things were going well."

"They are, but...who knows what will happen later?"

"Later? What are you talking about?"

"You're graduating in a few months. You'll take a job. Move away. And then what? We'll break up, so why are we doing this?"

I decide to use the future job excuse for why this will never work. It's a valid excuse and definitely something to be considered.

"I don't have a job and I don't know when I'll get one or where it'll be. And even if it ends up being out of town, that doesn't mean we'll break up."

"But there's a good chance we will. I'm just being realistic here."

"Well stop being realistic and think with your heart. Do you want to be with me or not?"

I don't answer.

"Amber, do you want to be with me or not?"

I still don't answer.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath. "You don't want to be with me." He sounds so hurt it breaks my heart. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" He rubs his scruffy jaw. "Is this why you've been avoiding me all week? I don't understand. Sunday was great, and now you won't even talk to me? What happened? You just decided you don't like me?"

"No! Of course I like you!" I raise my voice, my emotion taking over. "That's not it."

"Then what is it? Is it because—"

"It's because I love you, dammit!" My hand flies over my mouth as I realize what I just said.

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