Page 32 of One Night

"What did she say about that night?"

"That it was the best night of her life."

I was so shocked by his answer that I dropped the beer bottle I was holding. "She really said that?"

"Those were her exact words."

"Then why did she leave? Why did she make up that story? You're saying she's been living here in Chicago this whole time?"

"Yeah. She lived here all last summer."

"And you said she's a junior?"

"Yeah, but she's almost a senior because she takes summer classes. She grew up in Michigan with Kira. They were both gymnasts until Amber got into cheerleading in high school and quit gymnastics. I told you all this, right?"

"Everything but the gymnastics and cheerleading. I didn't know she did that stuff. Makes sense. She had a killer body." I rubbed my head because it was aching from trying to figure this out. "Why couldn't she just tell me this? I mean, I don't understand the whole ruining a memory thing, but she still could've told me that. At least it would've been an explanation and I wouldn't have had to spend months searching for her."

"I told her all that. For what it's worth, she said she never meant to hurt you. She assumed you'd forgotten all about that night, until she heard your song. When she heard it, she still didn't want to talk to you. She was dating someone else. She's still dating him, but I don't know why. The two of them have zero chemistry. You know, maybe that's why she's dating him. Maybe she's purposely dating someone she has no chemistry with because it keeps her from getting too close to him."

"Why wouldn't she want to get close to him?"

"Because she's still hung up on you. I could tell by the way she talked about you. Maybe she's dating a guy like Matt because she's not ready to give her heart to someone else. She's not ready to let you go."

"There's nothing to let go. We're not together."

I don't remember what Austin said after that. My mind kept tuning in and out. But before he left, he asked me a question. A question I've thought about a lot the past two weeks.

"Do you still want her? Even after knowing what she did?"

"I don't know," I said, because I really didn't. Finding this out was a huge shock, something I never expected. "I'd have to think about it," I told him. "But the answer doesn't matter. We're obviously never going to be together."

Austin left after that and I got drunk off my ass, then fell asleep. I didn't handle the news well and still haven't. Ever since I found out, I've been moping around, drinking more than I should, and slacking off on my classes. Guess I'm depressed, but I don't know why. All these months later, I should be over Amber, especially since she has no interest in continuing what we started last May.

I thought that night was special. I thought we shared something that was a hell of a lot deeper than just than sex. I thought we shared a connection, a bond, that most people would be lucky to find after a lifetime of looking, and yet for Amber and me, it was handed to us without even asking. Like a gift from the universe. And then she just threw it away.

What has she been doing all these months? Has she even thought about me? I could ask Kira but I haven't because I'm trying to forget about Amber and move on with my life. But no matter what I do, I can't forget her or that night we spent together.

My phone rings as I'm taking a sip of my beer. It's Allison, my so-called girlfriend. We've been going out for over a month and I call her my girlfriend but we've never actually gone on a date. I've tried to take her out, but every time I go to pick her up, we end up having sex and never make it out of her apartment. So we basically use each other for sex. And she likes telling people she's dating the lead singer of Vandyl. Those are the only reasons we're together. Oh, and there's also the fact that she reminds me of Amber, not in her personality but with her blond hair and hot body.

I met Allison last September after I'd pretty much given up on ever finding Amber. I'd spent all summer searching for her online, looking up every Amber I could find who lived in New York and was around Amber's age. By the time school started, my life got busier and I couldn't spend as much time searching.

The day I decided to end the search was the day I met Allison. I was at a party and saw this girl. She had her back turned to me and when I saw her long blond hair, the same shade as Amber's, I thought I'd finally found the girl I'd been searching for. I rushed over to her, but when she turned around it wasn't Amber. It was Allison.

Allison immediately recognized me as the lead singer of Vandyl and started flirting with me, then touching me, kissing me. We ended up back at her place. I hadn't had sex since Amber, which is the longest I'd gone without it since I first started doing it at the age of 16, and yet I didn't want to do it with Allison. For some reason, I felt a loyalty to Amber, like we belonged to each other, and I couldn't betray her by being with someone else. But as Allison continued to kiss me and touch me and led me to her bed, I realized how stupid it was to keep waiting for Amber. So I did it, but when I had sex with Allison, it was Amber I was imagining. I still do.

"Hey," I say, answering the call.

"Hey, babe, what are you doing?"

"Just hanging out, having a beer." I hear music blaring in the background. "Are you at a party?"

"Yeah, but it's boring. I'm gonna come over and see you. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"I don't know. I'm kind of wiped out from classes this week. Why don't you just come over tomorrow?"

"Because I need you now. And I'm busy tomorrow."

I'm taking that to mean she'll be with some other guy. I've recently suspected that she's been seeing someone else. My depressed attitude since finding out about Amber has angered Allison. She doesn't know why I'm depressed but she has no patience for it. She's head cheerleader for the football team at my college and could have any guy she wants so she's not going to stick around if I continue to act depressed or turn down her sexual offers.

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