Page 104 of One Night

"She what? Just tell me."

He hesitates, then says, "Because she reminded me of you. Not in personality. In that respect you two are nothing alike. But when I first saw her, we were at a party and she had her back to me, and with her body and the blond hair, for a moment I thought it was you. I'd been searching for you all summer, and even though you told me you were in New York, I kept hoping that maybe you'd come back here to visit friends, or I don't know...just come back. So I raced up to her, thinking maybe it was possible, but then she turned around and I saw it wasn't you. But I wanted it to be so badly."

I reach over and hold his hand. I still feel guilty about what I put him through.

He continues. "Allison saw the excitement on my face when I thought it was you and she interpreted it to mean I wanted her. She knew me from the band and wanted to go out without knowing anything else about me. I was so disappointed it wasn't you that I decided it was time to give up looking. You were gone and weren't coming back. So I went out with her, and for some stupid reason, kept going out with her until you left me that letter."

He's never told me the story of Allison and him and how they met. Kira would've told me if I'd asked but I never did. Even before Dylan and I started dating, I didn't want to think about him with someone else. It was too hard. I still had feelings for him from the night we shared.

He rubs my hand. "Say something. You're too quiet. I feel like you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad. I have no reason to be. We weren't together when you were with her. Like you said, you thought I was gone."

"I know, but I still had feelings for you, so being with Allison always felt wrong. That's why I don't know why I kept going out with her."

"Because she was, uh...good at certain things?"

"Shit, I totally forgot she said that. Don't listen to her. I never said that. It's a total lie."

"Then why'd you keep dating her?"

"Because I was lonely. And because my relationship with her was shallow. Meaningless. I knew it would never be anything more than it was, and I was okay with that. I wasn't ready to open my heart to anyone else."

"I felt the same way."

"What do you mean?"

"With Matt, my ex. I dated him because I didn't feel much for him. Our relationship was more of a friendship than anything else. He wanted more but I couldn't give it to him. My heart just wasn't in it. He was just someone to do stuff with. I feel bad about it now, but at the time I didn't even know I was using him like that."

"You and Matt are still friends, right?" Dylan asks.

"Yeah, but I don't see him much anymore. He has a new girlfriend and it's going really well and I don't want to get in the way of that."

"I only met him that time at the suit store, but he seems like a nice guy."

"He is. He's really nice. He's just not for me."

He smiles. "But I am?"

"You are." I smile back. "Let's get out of here."

He drops some money on the table and we get up to leave. Allison sees us as we go, but I don't look at her and neither does Dylan.

On Saturday, Dylan and I go Christmas shopping together. I won't have time to do it later and Dylan wanted to get it over with because he doesn't like shopping. The mall is crowded so we find what we want and get out of there, then head back to my apartment and Dylan makes us dinner. It's just pasta and sauce with a salad but it's sweet that he offered to make it. Most guys I've dated wouldn't even attempt to cook for me.

Sunday, we savor our last few hours of having the apartment to ourselves. When Kira gets back, Dylan will head home and I'll tackle at least one item on my growing to-do list.

"This weekend went too fast," Dylan says as we lie in bed after another great round of sex. I'm going to miss the sex. With my crazy schedule starting up again tomorrow, there won't be as much time to be alone with him. Who knows when we'll do it again?

"It did go fast. I was just getting used to relaxing and now tomorrow it's back to school and work."

"We could sneak off to the cleaning closet again." He kisses my neck, then up to my lips.

"We can't. We'll get caught."

"We won't get caught."

"We might, and then we'll both be fired."

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