Page 131 of Holding On

He shrugs. "I might've mentioned it."

"You shithead." I toss one of the couch pillows at him. "I told you no parties."

"It's not a party." He drinks his beer. "It's a small intimate social gathering."

I glare at him. "No more than ten people. And that includes Becca. Any more than that show up, they'll be turned away."

He rolls his eyes. "I swear, I don't know what happened to you. You used to be the life of the party and now you won't even go to them."

It's because of the accident. Everything changed after that. I no longer want to be around drunk people. I don't want to watch them leave the party and get into cars thinking they're okay to drive. I don't want to see a guy in the back seat with a girl on his lap. I don't want to see anyone not buckled into their seats. I can't watch other people make the same mistakes I did that night.

Jackson should know that but he doesn't, which shows we're not as close as we should be. We're friends, but in a superficial way, and yet I've considered him my best friend since arriving at Laytham.

But not anymore. Now my best friend is Becca. She's the one I talk to. The one who understands me. The one I tell my secrets to. The only person I trust.

"Ready to get beat?" I toss the game controller at Jackson.

"Like you could beat me," he mumbles.

"I beat your ass every time."

"Not tonight." He sets his beer down and positions himself at the end of his chair. "Tonight I'm taking you down."

But he doesn't. I've been alone in this house for two months and played video games for hours a day. With all that practice, I'm damn good. After two hours of playing, I beat Jackson on all but one game.

Saturday, Jackson and I go to the Laytham gym to lift weights. Then on the way home, he stops at the store to get beer for tonight. I banned any hard liquor and I put a limit on how much beer he could buy. He complained, as I knew he would, but my house, my rules.

"You coming over?" I ask Becca. It's after eight and people will be arriving around nine for the party I still don't want to have. I'm outside on the back patio where the party is happening. I'm not allowing people in the house because I know they'll trash it, and with my leg, I have a hard time cleaning and I refuse to make Becca clean up their mess.

Jackson has coolers sitting out filled with ice and beer. I'm feeling anxious just seeing them there. The last time I saw coolers filled with beer was at the party last May. I can still see Jason reaching in to get one. And then he got another. How many beers did he have that night? It had to have been more than a couple or he wouldn't have lost control of the SUV.

"See you soon," Becca says.

"Wait. What time you coming over?"

"I just told you, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Oh. Sorry. Guess I didn't hear you."

She must've been talking when my mind was on Jason. I need to stop thinking about that night. But no matter how hard I try, the memories keep coming back.

"Ethan, are you okay?" Becca's voice is soft, comforting.

Fuck, I need her. I need to see her. Touch her. Hold her. She's the only person who calms me when I'm feeling this way.

"Hurry," I blurt out.

She laughs a little. "Does that mean you miss me?"

"Yeah. So hurry up."

"I'll be there soon."

When she arrives, she's holding three grocery bags and takes them straight to the kitchen where she starts unloading them. They're full of chips and other snack foods.

"I assumed you guys hadn't picked up any food for tonight."

"We didn't, but you didn't have to do this." I stand behind her and lean down and kiss her cheek. "Hey."

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