Page 129 of Holding On

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ethan

"Fuck, she's hot," Jackson says once Becca is gone.

It's after midnight and she left a few minutes ago. I wanted her to stay the night but she didn't want to with Jackson here. She wants us to have our guy time, which is considerate of her but I'll miss having her in my bed tonight.

She seemed to like Jackson, although she's friendly to everyone so it's hard to tell.

"She's more than hot," I tell him. "She's smart. A hard worker. Easy to talk to."

He laughs. "Told you."

"Told me what?"

"That you're in love."

"I'm not in love." And yet, sometimes I think I might be. I've never felt this way about anyone but Becca.

"Trust me. I've been around dudes in love and you've got the symptoms. The way you talk about her. The way you look at her. The fact that she's been staying here every night. You're in love. No use trying to deny it."

So I don't. I just sit there, staring at the TV, wondering how the hell this happened because I certainly didn't intend for it to.

"What are you going to do?" Jackson asks.

"About what?"

"Becca. You love the girl, and I'm guessing she loves you back, so what happens now? Did you tell her what it'll be like being with a pro athlete?"

"No, because I don't know if it'll happen."

"It'll happen." He takes a swig of his beer. "The scouts are already calling Coach about you, wondering when you'll be playing again."

"Yeah, he told me."

Jackson coughs on his beer. "You talked to Coach?"

"Last week. I went to Laytham to train."

"No shit?" He sets his beer on the coffee table. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "Didn't think about it."

"So what made you show up there? Last time we talked you said you weren't going there until you were off the crutches."

"I changed my mind. I'll be going there three times a week starting on Monday."

"I don't get it. I thought—"

"Just forget it, okay? I don't want to talk about it."

"Fuck that. I want to know what's going on. Why did you suddenly change your mind?"

Do I tell him the truth? I assume he knows our grades are fake but I don't want him knowing I was naive enough to think I was different. Why the hell did I think that? Of course the professors are going to rig my grades. Like my dad said, I'm the star of the team.

When Coach confirmed it was true, I felt sick. He didn't actually come out and tell me my grades weren't real but he made it clear by repeatedly telling me how important football is to the school. How it helps attract students. Boosts alumni donations. Attracts corporate donors.

As he talked, I lost respect for him. Using his players to make money for the school? It's wrong. But then I realized he's just doing his job. I'm sure it's what all college coaches do and yet for some stupid reason, I thought he was different. I thought he was someone I could trust.

---