Page 101 of Holding On

Chapter Eighteen

Becca

I'm kissing Ethan but he's not kissing me back. Instead, he pulls away.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I can't do this."

My already shattered heart shatters even more at his words. He's breaking up with me? And he picks now to do it? What the hell is wrong with him?

I shove him away. "You asshole!"

"What?" He sounds hurt. "What do mean? I just don't think it's the right time. It's not that I don't want to. I'm just trying to be a decent guy."

"Wait." I tilt my head. "What are we talking about here?"

"Sex. I don't think it's a good idea to have sex right now. You're sad and angry about your mom and it just doesn't feel right."

"Oh." I look down at the floor. He's right. As much as I want him right now, my reasoning for it is wrong. I'm trying to escape my feelings with sex and using Ethan to do it.

"What did you think I meant?"

I look at him. "I thought you were breaking up with me. Not that we're actually going out, but you know what I mean."

He extends his arms to me, still holding himself up on the crutches. "Come here."

Stepping up to him, I reach around his chest and hug him. As his arms go around me, I take a moment to finally breathe. My chest has been tight since I saw my mom this morning, but now, in Ethan's arms, I start to relax.

He holds me there until the tension in my body leaves and I pull away.

"Let's go sit down," he says.

We go to the couch and he turns to me, holding my hand. "First of all, we ARE going out. I thought I made that clear to you."

I shrug. "Not really. I thought we agreed this was just for the summer."

"You may have agreed to that, but I didn't. I told you I wanted this to continue. I like you, Becca, and I don't want to stop seeing you."

"But once school starts and you—"

"That has nothing to do with us."

"Things will change. You'll be back with your friends. Back on the team. Even if you don't play, you'll still be at practice and at the games. And you'll go to parties and girls will be hanging all over you. Wanting you."

"I only want one girl. And she's sitting right here."

"You don't mean that."

"Then why did I say it?" His lips turn up.

"Because you know it's what I want to hear?"

He gets serious again. "That's not why. It's because I mean it. Nothing's going to change once school starts. You're my girlfriend and you'll be with me when I go to games and parties and whatever else."

"I will?" I smile. "Is that an order?"

"It is." He smiles back. "So don't fight me on it."

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