Page 64 of Holding On

Checking the clock, I see it's just after one. "I'll be there around two."

"Is there any way you could come over now? Like I said, I'm kind of nervous and you have a way of making me feel calm."

I smile. "Because of what we do when I'm there?"

"No. That makes me feel something else." He chuckles, then gets serious. "It's you. Being around you makes me feel calm."

Getting up from the table, I take my plate to the sink. "Give me a few minutes and then I'll leave."

"Thanks, Becca."

"No problem. See you soon."

I make him feel calm? Does that mean he normally feels anxious? It makes sense that he would, given his uncertain future and all the pressure he's under from his father. But why do I make him feel calm?

When I arrive at his house, I find that it's cleaner than usual. No clothes tossed on the furniture. No dishes left out.

"You cleaned?" I ask.

He pulls me down to the couch for a kiss. "The less time you have to spend cleaning, the more time I get to spend with you."

We kiss again, and keep it up until it's time to leave for his appointment.

"Don't you want to bring these?" I point to the crutches that are leaning against the wall.

"No. I don't want to jinx anything."

"We could just keep them in the van."

"I'd rather not. I don't know what's going to happen today and I don't want to get my hopes up."

He's getting nervous again. I can sense it. He was fine when I got here but now he's anxious, wanting to get this over with. He hasn't said anything about the appointment so I don't exactly know what it is he's worried about and I'm not sure if I should ask.

"Ethan." I stand in front of him before he goes outside.

"What?"

"It's going to be fine."

He nods but doesn't say anything. We go out to the driveway and get in the van.

On the way to the clinic, he says, "Today is when I find out if I'll need more surgery."

"Oh. I didn't know they were considering surgery."

"If it isn't healing right, then yeah. Then I'll be stuck in the chair even longer."

I reach over and hold his hand. "That's not gonna happen."

He looks away, out the side window.

At the clinic, I sit in the waiting room while Ethan sees the doctor. Mike calls while I'm waiting. He wasn't at the apartment when I was there during lunch.

"Hey. I'm going out tonight," he says. "I don't know what time I'll be home."

"Why are you telling me this? You know I don't get off work until midnight."

"I might be out later than that. Heather and I are going to the late movie after she gets off work."

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