Page 154 of Holding On

"He does the same thing to me. That's why I broke up with him. He won't talk to me. He doesn't trust me."

"It's not about that. He DOES trust you. He just has a hard time opening up. He's always been that way."

"And that's fine if that's who he is, but I can't date someone like that. Ethan's moods are all over the place. One minute he's happy and the next he's sad or angry or wants to be left alone. I'd be okay with that if he explained what's bothering him, but he doesn't. And then he takes his anger out on me, which I refuse to put up with. I won't be treated that way."

He gets up. "Then I guess I don't have anything else to say." He walks to the door. "See you around."

It's clear he's angry with me but I'm not giving in out of guilt. Nothing has changed. Jackson's comments just confirmed that Ethan won't open up to me. He's not able to. It's just not him. So I have to move on.

The next day, Lois goes to clean Ethan's house instead of me. She's back in town and it was perfect timing. I didn't want to go to Ethan's house, and if Lois hadn't shown up, I knew my manager would make me go there, given the company's rules about consistency in cleaning staff. But since Lois was the one originally assigned there, she was told to go back. I could've asked to take her place since I've been going there this whole time, but I didn't because I couldn't handle seeing Ethan. It's too hard. I miss him. A lot. Seeing him would hurt too much, and then he'd try to get me back and I'd be tempted to give in.

So it's better if Lois goes. Besides, he likes Lois.

Right at two, when I'd normally be cleaning Ethan's house, a text pops up. Why aren't you here?

I almost respond but then don't. He knows why I'm not there.

He sends another text. I'm sending her away. I'm calling your boss and requesting you.

No! I text back. Don't! I'll get in trouble.

I need to talk to you, he texts back.

There's nothing to say.

Please, Becca. Don't be this way. This can't be the end.

You knew it wasn't going to last.

I never said that. You did.

I exhale in frustration. Why is he doing this to me? Why can't he just accept that it's over?

And why did I text him back? Dammit! I set my phone down, then hear it ringing. I check and see it's Ethan calling. I send it to voicemail. Then my phone dings.

Another text from Ethan. Talk to me or I'll call your boss and tell her I want you, not Lois.

Furious, I text back, If you do that, I'll quit and have to find another job.

Why are you so damn stubborn?

Why won't you talk to me? Why do you keep shutting me out?

Silence. He doesn't text back and neither do I. His lack of response says that he still refuses to tell me what's bothering him, which just confirms that breaking up with him was the right decision. So then why does it feel so wrong?

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