Page 142 of Holding On

Chapter Twenty-Five

Ethan

I wake up at ten, my arm searching the bed for Becca, but then I remember she's not here. I find my phone on the nightstand to call her. But just as I'm about to, another call comes in. I don't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Ethan? Ethan Baxter?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"Lisa Canfield, Kasey and Emily's mom. I'm sorry to bother you but Emily just told me she'd called you."

"Um, yeah. A few weeks ago."

"I'm sorry she did that. It wasn't appropriate."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"She's been having such a hard time since losing Kasey. We all have."

The pain in her voice slices through me like a knife. Fuck, it hurts.

I did this. I took her daughter away. And now her whole family is suffering.

"I'm so sorry," I say. "I know that doesn't help, but I really am sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"I feel the same way about you. I've been worried about you, Ethan. I can't imagine how horrific it was to be trapped there with..." Her voice cracks and I hear her quietly sobbing.

Shit. What do I do? What do I say?

She sniffles. "Forgive me. I don't mean to break down. It's just whenever I think of that night..."

"I know. Me too." I rub my hand over my face and feel wetness. Tears. I quickly wipe them away.

"If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know."

Do for ME? Is she serious? I'm the reason her daughter is dead. If anything, I should be doing something for HER, and I would if I knew what to do. I'd do anything to take her pain away.

"I don't want to take up your time," she says. "I just wanted to let you know that I've talked to Emily and she won't be calling you again."

"Really, it's fine. Don't worry about it." I pause, remembering that call with Emily and how she couldn't stop crying. "Is she doing any better?"

"Unfortunately, no. We have her in counseling but it doesn't seem to help. Every night, she cries herself to sleep. Emily loved Kasey so much. We all did." Her voice cracks and I hear her quietly crying.

God, I can't take this. It's too much. But I can't just hang up.

"I should go." She sniffles. "Take care, Ethan."

She ends the call but I can't get the sound of her crying out of my head. A mother's cry over the loss of her child has gotta be the worst kind ever. The agony in her voice. I'll never forget it.

As I set my phone down, there's a loud knock on my door. It must be Jackson.

"What do you need?" I yell through the door.

"Coach is here."

Coach? What the hell is he doing here on a Sunday?

---