Page 140 of Holding On

"That was it. I didn't give her a chance to say anymore. I hung up on her."

"Becca," he says, shaking his head. "You could've at least said goodbye."

"Why? She doesn't deserve a goodbye. She didn't give you one. She just left." I pause. "Promise me you won't call her."

"I won't." He doesn't look at me as he says it, his eyes going to the salt shaker that's between us. He picks it up and taps it lightly on the table.

"Mike, I mean it. Don't call her. You have Heather now. You don't need Tricia. You never did. She was never right for you."

"Heather and I aren't serious."

"You're not?"

"No." He sets the salt shaker down. "We're both getting over people. She was engaged too. The guy got cold feet and took off right before the wedding."

"But you've been spending the night there. I thought it was getting serious."

"We're comforting each other. Meeting each other's needs. That's all it is. I mean, I like her. I like her a lot. But I can't be in a serious relationship with her, or anyone, when part of me is still hung up on Tricia."

"Why can't you just let her go?" I raise my voice, my anger building. I'm angry at Tricia, and angry at my brother for still having feelings for her. "Mike, she treated you like shit. How can you feel anything for her after that?"

"I was with her since high school. I know we spent some time apart but, still, she was my first love, and I was hers. I'd planned to have a life with her. A family. And then she was gone. You don't just get over that in a few months."

"Tricia did."

He looks down.

"Mike, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just trying to be honest. She took off when you needed her the most. That tells you what kind of person she is. You're better off without her. There's no use hanging onto those feelings."

"It's not that simple. If you ever break up with someone you love, you'll see it's not that easy to get over them."

His comment makes me think of Ethan. If we break up, how will I feel? I don't want to think about it so maybe that's my answer. It would hurt. A lot. And I'd miss him. So I don't want to think about it.

I'm starting to understand how Mike feels. I've only dated Ethan for a little over a month but the thought of losing him has me feeling anxious and sad. Mike was with Tricia for years, so yeah, it's gotta be tough, even if their break-up was for the best.

I know this thing with Ethan won't last so what am I doing? Why do I keep getting closer to him? I'm only setting myself up to be hurt.

"Do you ever wish you'd never met her?" I ask.

"Tricia?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you'd never met her, you could've dated other people all those years. Found someone better."

He shakes his head. "Life doesn't work that way. You can't avoid being hurt. It's a part of falling in love. It's a risk you have to take. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Look at Heather and me. We're both hurting right now but we haven't given up on love. We've both accepted that our last relationships just weren't meant to be. At this point, we're not ready to fall in love again but it could happen without us even knowing it. That's how it works. You meet someone, and over time you develop feelings. It isn't planned and you can't stop it. At the time, I thought Tricia was the one, and we had a lot of good years. I don't regret being with her."

"I don't want to be hurt like that."

"Like I said, you can't avoid it." He pauses, his eyes on me. "You love Ethan, don't you?"

I let out a laugh. "No. We're just dating for the summer. That's it."

"He's ending it after the summer? He told you that?"

"No. I told HIM that. He wants us to keep dating."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because it has to end. Once he's back in school, he won't have time for me."

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