Page 136 of Holding On

"Which leg?"

"The left."

"What happened?"

"Last year when he was stationed overseas, someone planted a bomb in their tent. Mike was standing just outside it and when the bomb went off, something hit his leg and severed it. That's all I know. He refuses to tell me anything more."

"Shit. I had no idea. I knew you said he does that podcast to help veterans but you never said why he started it."

"I don't like talking about what happened to him. It makes me mad. All he wanted to do was help people and then someone bombs his freakin' tent." Tears wet her eyes and one slides down her cheek.

"Becca," I say, softly, my hand cupping her cheek. "I'm sorry."

She nods. "He's better now. And back here for good, thank God. I hated it when he was over there. He's all I have left for family and I was so afraid I'd lose him."

Becca doesn't consider her mom her family. She hasn't talked to her since that day we had brunch. I doubt she'll ever talk to her again.

"I'm only telling you this," she says, "because I thought it might help you. The only reason Mike's been able to move on from what happened is because he talks about it with people who've been through it. He said he started the podcast to help other veterans but I think it was also to help himself." She takes a breath. "I guess what I'm saying is that I'm here for you if you want to talk about that night, and if not, then please, talk to someone about it. If you don't, you'll just keep replaying it in your head. Blaming yourself when you shouldn't."

Becca is the only one in my life who even mentions the accident. Everyone else avoids the topic. Pretends it didn't happen. I don't blame them. It's uncomfortable to talk about and they probably assume I don't want to. And it's true, I don't. I wish I could because maybe Becca's right. Maybe talking about it would help stop the memories. But I can't. I won't.

"I'd rather not," I tell her. "Talk about it."

She looks at me and I see the frustration on her face. She's trying to help me and I appreciate that, but I don't want her help. Not with this. I just need time. Eventually I'll get past this.

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