Page 111 of Holding On

"Your girlfriend." I hear Becca laugh. Why is that funny? Does she still not consider herself my girlfriend? If so, that pisses me off. I'm sick and tired of trying to convince her of that.

Fuck, I'm in a bad mood. A really bad mood.

I answer the door and force out a smile. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

She smiles. "I came to see you." She walks past me into the house, wearing her cleaning uniform.

"Don't you need to go home and change?" I close the door.

"I thought I'd change here." She hugs me and gives me a kiss. "You don't mind, do you?"

Actually, I do mind. I'm not in the mood for company, even Becca.

"Um, no. It's fine."

She steps back and looks at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I put the fake smile back on my face.

"Don't lie to me, Ethan. I know you're not telling the truth."

"I'm just tired. That's all."

"Why are you tired? Are you not feeling well?" She puts the back of her hand over my cheek.

I grab her wrist and yank her hand off me. "I'm not sick."

She slowly releases her wrist from my grasp, her eyes searching my face. "What happened? Why are you acting this way?"

Heading to the couch, I say, "I'm not acting any differently than normal."

"You're angry."

"Oh, really?" I sit down, tossing my crutches aside. "So now you can read my mind? We've known each other for what, a few weeks? That hardly makes you an expert in reading me."

She storms over to me. "What the hell?"

"What?" I grab the remote and flip through the channels, needing a distraction from this conversation and the images in my head of Kasey on my lap. Those fucking images have been torturing me since her sister called. Why did Emily have to call? Why couldn't she just leave me alone? Is this my punishment for living? To be tortured by the past? Reminded of it by those who were left behind?

Becca's still standing in front of me. What is she doing here? Why did she have to come over now, when I'm feeling like shit? Normally I'd want her here. But not now. This isn't something she can help me with. Nobody can. I can't even help myself.

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