Page 109 of Holding On

"No girls? What the hell?"

"It's a couple days. You can go without girls for a couple days."

He sighs. "Yeah, fine. No girls. Talk to you soon."

"Yeah, see ya."

My phone rings again but I don't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Is this Ethan?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"Emily Canfield."

Canfield. My stomach knots hearing that name. Kasey's last name was Canfield.

"I'm Kasey's sister," she says.

Kasey's sister. Why is she calling me?

"I'm sorry for your loss," I blurt out.

Shit. Why did I say that? I know it's what people say when someone dies, but when I said it, it sounded meaningless. Cold. And not even close to expressing how badly I feel about what happened to Kasey. But I didn't know what else to say.

"I probably shouldn't have called you but..." She sniffles. Shit, now she's crying. "I just have to know...and you're the only one who can tell me." She sniffles again. "Was it fast?"

Fuck, are you kidding me? She's asking me about her sister's death? Ever since it happened, I've tried to block it from my mind. The sounds. Those horrible images. And now this girl wants me to relive it? Why? How does that help?

"Ethan?"

"Yeah. Sorry. The answer is yes. It was fast."

I can still see the flashes of light inside the SUV, the blood splattered everywhere. I can feel Kasey's body over mine, limp and lifeless.

"So she wasn't...in pain?" Emily's voice cracks on the last couple words and a heaviness fills my chest, making it hard to breathe.

It never should've happened. Why didn't I stop Jason from driving? Why didn't I make Kasey put her seatbelt on?

"Ethan, tell me. Please."

"She didn't feel pain. It happened too fast." I rush the words out, knowing they're a lie. I know Kasey felt pain. That's why she was screaming.

I can still hear it. I can still hear the screaming. And I hate it. I hate that I can't get that sound out of my head.

"Listen, Emily, I know you want answers but I have a hard time talking about this, and really, I think it's best if you don't know the details. It only makes it harder. It's better to remember her how she was."

Emily starts crying again. "She was everything to me. I looked up to her my whole life and now she's gone and I don't know what to do without her."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

I don't know what else to say. I wasn't prepared for this, not that that would've helped. Even if you gave me days to think about it, I wouldn't know what to say. I didn't even know Kasey had a sister. I barely knew the girl. I met her that night and spent more time making out with her than talking to her.

"What else can you tell me about that night?" Emily asks.

"We were at a party. At a frat house."

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