Page 107 of Holding On

I think I really am falling in love with her. I didn't intend to. Didn't want to. But now that I am, I want to be with her. I want to see her during the day and have her in my arms at night. It seems like the time we spend together is never enough.

When she arrives at my house, I do the things I told her I would do, pleasuring her in every way I know how. And I have no shortage of ideas. I've been with a lot of girls and I'm not a selfish lover. Over the years, I've paid attention and learned what girls like. But doing those things to Becca turns me on more than any other girl I've been with.

In the morning, she leaves for work. The fact that she spends her days cleaning houses pisses me off. She shouldn't be doing that. She should be back in school, finishing her nursing degree. Actually, she should be at a new school, a four year college, working on the degree she actually wants.

I wish she'd let me pay for her tuition. I have plenty of money. More than I can spend in this small Midwest town where everything's cheap. I'd gladly give Becca the money if she'd accept it, but I know she won't. She's too proud to take money from me or anyone else. So for now, she's stuck working these shitty jobs.

My phone rings. It's Jackson.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Me." He laughs. "I was just watching porn."

"And you called me? What the fuck?"

He laughs again. "I'm just kidding. Lighten up, man."

"So what are you really doing?"

"Eating the leftover lasagna my mom made. As much as I hate living at home, I will miss having my mom make my food. Soon I'll be back to eating frozen pizzas every night."

"Maybe it's time you learned to cook."

"Says someone who grew up with a chef making his food."

"I can still make my own meals. I know how to use a microwave."

"That's not cooking."

"I disagree. So why are you calling? Just to talk?"

"Yeah, and to get you to go to the team party. It's in a few weeks. I know you said you wouldn't go but I was thinking about it, and not going will make people talk about you even more. So if you want to avoid all that, you should show up."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"No shit? Fuck, I thought I'd have to spend an hour convincing you. What changed your mind?"

"I thought about it and realized if I don't go, you idiots will show up at my door, banging on it until I answer."

He laughs. "You're right. That's exactly what we'd do."

Actually, that wasn't the real reason I decided to go to the party. The truth is that I've been feeling better about things ever since Becca entered my life. I don't know if it's her positive attitude or the fact that I just feel better when she's around or what, but she's made me want to get out of the house and join the world again. I still feel depressed when I'm alone with my thoughts, memories of the accident flashing through my mind, but those memories haven't been as frequent since I've been going out with Becca. Instead my mind goes to her.

"What else is new?" Jackson asks. "You still seeing that girl?"

"Yeah. She spent the weekend here. Left this morning to go to work."

"You let her spend the whole weekend with you? What the hell?"

He's surprised because I've never done that before. I've let a girl spend the night but never anything more than that.

"It's not that big a deal," I say downplaying it so he won't give me shit.

"Are you kidding? You've never let a girl stay the weekend. Are you two serious or what?"

"We're just dating. I had her stay the weekend because I like spending time with her. She's not like the other girls I've dated."

"Meaning what?"

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