Page 106 of Holding On

"That you're right. She's the only parent I have left so I keep hoping she'll act like a mom again. But I need to stop thinking of her that way. She's not my mom anymore. She stopped being a mom a long time ago. "

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure. I keep trying to cut her out of my life, but I still hold onto the dream of her showing up at my door, wanting to be a mom again. After what I found out this morning, I think it's time to give up that dream. I think it's time to cut all ties to her."

I agree, but I don't say it because I want this to be Becca's decision and not influenced by my opinion.

"Thanks for the talk," she says.

"We're done?" I chuckle.

"We don't have to be, but it's late and we should probably go to sleep."

"I'm not tired. I spent most of the day in bed."

"We weren't sleeping." I hear the smile in her voice.

"We slept for part of the time. You wiped me out. I had to sneak in a few short naps."

"I wore you out?" She laughs.

"I'm just kidding. I could've gone all night." The thought of that has me remembering what we did earlier, wanting to do it again. "I wish you were here right now."

"Where?" she asks in a flirty tone.

"In my bed. Naked. So I could do what I want to do to you."

"Which is what?"

I proceed to tell her, in graphic detail, exactly what I would do if she were here.

"Okay, I think I need a cold shower now," she kids.

"Or you could just come over here."

"It's after midnight."

"So?"

"I have to be at work at nine."

"Then we have plenty of time."

"I need to sleep."

"Which we'll do after we do what I just described. So what do you think?"

"Hmm. Stay here, unable to sleep, thinking about my mom? Or have sex with my boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms? It's a tough choice."

"So I'll see you in a few minutes?"

"Give me a half hour. I'm going to pack some clothes so I can go to work straight from your house in the morning."

"You need to start leaving some stuff over here."

"I will. I'll see you soon."

I didn't think she'd say yes. I thought she'd keep coming up with excuses until I finally gave up. But she didn't, because she wants to see me as much as I want to see her. This relationship is moving fast but I can't seem to slow it down. And I don't want to. I like getting closer to her. Learning more about her. Finding out what makes her happy and what makes her sad.

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