Page 102 of Holding On

I glance down at our joined hands. "It won't be the same, Ethan. I know you want it to be, but it won't. Your future is laid out for you and there's no room for someone like me in it."

"Says who?"

My eyes meet up with his. "I'm just being realistic. Your leg will heal and you'll start training again and things will go back to how they were. You'll be Ethan Baxter, the football star. First round draft pick. Future millionaire. On TV. Hanging out with celebrities. I don't fit in that world. I never will."

"Okay, slow down." He turns my face back to his. "You've basically just planned out my whole future for me, which I haven't even done. I don't even know if I'll be able to play football again." He sees the doubt on my face and says, "Yeah, there's a good chance I will, but it's not a hundred percent."

"Whether you play football or not, you're still leaving after you graduate. We're headed down different paths. I knew that when we started dating so I never planned for this to go beyond the summer."

He leans back and crosses his arms over his chest. "Then why don't we just end this right now?" He sounds angry. "If you're already planning for this to end, then why keep it going?"

My chest tightens like it did earlier, but this time it's because of the thought of losing Ethan. It's not what I want. Not at all. I have feelings for him, strong feelings that almost feel like love. So the thought of letting him go? It hurts. But like I said, I'm just being realistic. I'm not part of his world and never will be.

"Becca. Say something. Do you want to end this?"

I slowly shake my head, a tear slipping my cheek.

He sits up and takes me in his arms. "Then stop. Stop talking about us ending. Don't even put it out there as an option." He pulls back and kisses my forehead, then looks me in the eye. "I don't want to lose you. At first, I was like you and thought this wouldn't last past the summer. But then I got to know you and now I don't want you to go. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life."

Does he really mean that? Isn't it too soon to say? Maybe it's not because I feel the same way about him. Maybe I should stop trying to predict the future and just enjoy the moment. Even if Ethan and I only have the summer, why waste it worrying about what's to come?

"Okay," I say.

"Okay, what?"

"I'll stop talking about us breaking up."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And you'll stop calling me your friend and start calling me your boyfriend."

"It's a deal." I slowly smile then bounce up and down on the couch and say in a high-pitched voice, "Oh my God! I'm dating Ethan Baxter! THE Ethan Baxter!"

He waits for my performance to end before saying, "Real funny. If you really want to be one of those girls, you need to coat your face in makeup and push your breasts up until they're popping out of your shirt."

I laugh and put my arms around his neck. "I'm just kidding. But I AM excited about dating Ethan Baxter. The REAL Ethan Baxter, not the football star. The Ethan I've gotten to know. The one who showed up to support me today. That's the Ethan I want."

"And that's the one you have."

I kiss him, then kiss him again, slowly, as my hand moves down his chest, then to the front of his dress pants. He's already hard and I rub my hand over it, wanting him.

"Hold on," he says, moving my hand away. "I told you I don't want us doing that if you're only doing it to get your mind off your mom."

"That's not why." I try to free my hand from his but he won't let me.

"Becca," he says. "If you touch me there again, I'll have you naked in my bed within a minute, which is what I want, but it's not right."

"It feels pretty right to me." I try to free my hand again but he holds onto it.

"I know you're still upset about what happened, so talk to me."

"You're saying you'd rather talk than have sex?"

"I know, right? I think I've lost my damn mind."

I smile. "You haven't lost your mind. You're just a nice guy."

---