Page 133 of Still Love You

"Yeah." He lifts his baseball cap and turns it the other way, the flap in the back.

"That's what you wanted, right? Just sex? No strings?"

He shrugs. "I guess."

It's clearly bothering him that she won't be his girlfriend, which is completely shocking. The whole time I've known him, he's never wanted a girlfriend. 

"So are you going to keep dating her?" I ask.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You've already gone past your two week limit. Isn't it time to break up with her?"

"It's a lot of work finding someone new." He glances off to the side. "I think I'll just keep this going."

He's such a liar. He'd have no problem finding someone new. He just likes Leah too much to give her up.

"By the way," I say. "Your girlfriend left her sweater in my truck."

"So that's where it went. She kept asking me if I'd seen it."

He didn't even correct me on the girlfriend label, which means he already thinks of her that way. That's a huge deal. Before he met her, I couldn't even get him to consider the idea of having a girlfriend.

"Come get it." I motion him to the parking lot. "I've gotta get going."

"You got plans tonight?"

"I'm designing a new logo for my mom's business."

"You're really getting into this design stuff," he says as we walk to my truck. "It's good you found something you like."

"Yeah. I think I finally figured out what I want to do." I open the door and grab the sweater and toss it to him.

"So what about Willow? You two still aren't talking?"

"We talk when we need to. Other than that, no."

"I can't believe you've been able to stay away from her."

"If I want her back I need to give her space. And if she decides she doesn't want me in her life, then I'm starting to accept that. I love her, but I'm done playing these games. Either she wants me or she doesn't. And if she doesn't, it's time to move on."

"Good for you, man. I like Willow, but the girl needs to get her shit together." He walks over to his car. "Call me tomorrow. Maybe we'll go golfing...if Leah doesn't wear me out too much." He smiles.

"Yeah, see ya."

I'm jealous. I wish I had a girl to hang out with tonight. And not just any girl. I want Willow. I miss her like crazy and I want her back. What I told Trent isn't entirely true. I'm not ready to give up on Willow. I need to convince her we belong together, and if giving her space doesn't work, then I'll have to find another way, although I'd rather have her come to that conclusion herself.

But like I told Trent, I'm starting to accept the fact that despite my best efforts, Willow and I may not end up together. I love her and want a future with her, but I can't force her to feel the same way. And I can't keep playing this game of back and forth. By the end of the summer she needs to make a decision, and if she decides not to be with me, then I have to move on, even if it kills me to do so.

The following week, Willow shows up at the farm. She's working in the fields again, but only in the mornings, and then she goes home in the afternoons to make more soaps and lotions. When she's at the farm I leave her alone, but I keep catching her watching me. I've been watching her too, but she hasn't caught me yet.

It's now Friday, and almost three weeks since our break-up. Tonight will be yet another Friday night when I should be out with Willow, but instead will be home, working on logos. Trent invited me to go out with him and Leah to an outdoor concert but I didn't want to be a third wheel, or worse yet, have him ambush me with a blind date. I think he knows better than to do that after the incident earlier this summer, but with Trent, you never know.

"Silas!" Willow yells.

I'm way back in the lettuce fields and see her walking toward me. "What do you need?"

"It's lunch time," she yells back.

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