Page 8 of Still Love You

CHAPTER THREE

Willow

How am I going to survive the summer? I've been with Silas for all of two hours and I'm already a complete and utter mess. For the past two years, I've been so put together, my emotions kept in check, my sole focus on my career. I've avoided any type of long term relationships, knowing that getting serious with a guy will only lead me to the same place I ended up with Silas; having a conversation about how we're heading down different paths and therefore need to break up. I know exactly what I want for my life and I'm not going to change my plans for some guy.

But that doesn't mean I don't date. Last year at college, I went to a lot of parties, did my fair share of flirting, and went on a decent number of dates. I just didn't let those dates lead to anything serious. Even if I wanted a serious relationship with a guy, it wouldn't be with any of the guys I've dated since Silas left.

I hate to admit this, but being with Silas ruined me for all other guys. Now I expect every guy I date to make me feel like I did when I was with Silas, which isn't fair. Nobody will make me feel that way again. Silas was my first love and there's something special about that. The feelings I had for him just aren't going to happen with someone else, so I need to accept that, but so far I haven't.

"I don't think that kid's ever bringing an extra cup," I say, setting my burger down. I've devoured half of it within a matter of minutes, which is fast for me. I'm usually a slow eater.

These burgers are the best I've ever had and this one is especially good because they made it exactly the way I asked, or the way Silas asked, with that famous smile of his. He flashes that easygoing smile and I swear, girls go into some kind of trance and do whatever he asks.

Watching that girl flirt with him got to me in a way I didn't expect. I was actually mad, to the point I was about ready to punch her if she didn't back away. Hence why I said I'm a complete and utter mess. I don't punch girls. I don't punch anyone. I get angry, but I don't take it out on people. Except Silas. He has a way of bringing out all my emotions. Maybe that's why I felt so angry. Seeing him flirt to get his way irritated me, or maybe it was just seeing him flirt, period, with someone other than me.

Wait—I can't be jealous. He's not mine anymore. He's free to date whoever he wants. I just need to get used to that idea. He took off right after we broke up so I never had to watch him date other girls. But I'm sure I'll witness that this summer so I need to start getting used to it.

Silas slides the milkshake over to his side of the table and takes a big slurp.

"Silas! What are you doing? I need to get a cup and another straw."

"Why?" he asks casually. "Why can't we just share?"

"Because..." I'm flustered, trying to find the right words. Why does this keep happening? I've been lost for words ever since he showed up at my door. I've also been nervous, agitated, frustrated. My emotions are all over the place and yet he seems calm and collected. It's irritating.

"Because why?" He stands up and goes around the table and casually takes a seat next to me on the bench. He slides the milkshake back over to what is now our side of the table and takes another sip. "It's good. You should try it." He moves it in front of me.

I move it back. "I can't, now that you drank out it."

"Afraid you'll get germs?" He takes another sip.

"Yes. It's unsanitary."

"I don't think you need to worry." He leans down by my ear. "In case you forgot, my mouth has been all over your body. Every square inch of it." His lips brush against my ear and a shiver shoots down my spine. "And my tongue has—"

"Yeah. Got it." I scoot over, needing to put some distance between us before I accidentally kiss him, or do more than that.

His little reminder of our past has me so hot and bothered I'm about ready to do him right now on this bench. Sex with Silas was the best I've ever had but I don't need those memories creeping back in my head. It's bad enough they fill my dreams. I can't control what happens in my sleep, but I can control my thoughts when I'm awake. I take a deep breath and clear my mind of all things Silas.

That lasts for about a second, until I feel his hand on my back as he pushes the milkshake toward me again. "Here. I wiped the straw off for you."

Why did I have to wear a dress with an open back? The feel of his hand pressed against my bare skin has my mind returning to those memories I'm trying to forget. Memories of Silas' hands moving over my skin. And his fingers. Those magic fingers. I even used to call them that. His fingers ran over my palm earlier when he gave me my twenty back and I know it was on purpose. A tingling heat coursed through my body when he did it, making my breath quicken. He noticed, but luckily didn't say anything.

I take a sip of the milkshake.

"Good, isn't it?" he asks.

"Yeah, just like I remembered."

"Do you want the rest of it?" He chuckles. "I don't want to contaminate it again."

"It's fine." I slide it between us. "We can share. I was overreacting."

"You? Overreact?"

I laugh and jab his side like I did earlier.

"Hey! That's my bruised side."

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