Page 49 of Still Love You

I get a lump in my throat and feel my eyes tearing up.

"Willow?"

"Yeah. I'm here." I sniffle.

"Are you crying?"

"No. It's just allergies." I take a breath.

"You don't have allergies. You're crying because you want to marry Silas someday. And if you don't marry him, you'll be alone because you can't imagine being with anyone else."

I nod, even though she can't see me, as tears run down my face.

"Am I right?" she asks.

"Yeah." I sniffle again and go over to get a tissue.

"Willow, why are you torturing yourself? This is crazy. Just be with him. He's the one, and you know it, so stop pushing him away."

"And give up on my goals? No. I'm not going to be one of those women who gives up everything for a guy."

"You don't have to give up everything. You just have to make some compromises. You both do." 

"Then neither one of us will be happy."

"You need to stop making everything so black and white. There are ways for you to be together and still get what you both want career-wise."

"Like how?"

"I don't know. I just know it's possible. My brother, Garret, runs a company and is super successful but he still has time for his wife and kids. Some days, he sees the kids more than Jade does. My point is that if you really love Silas, which I know you do, then you'll find a way to make this work."

"It's more complicated than that."

"Because you're making it complicated when it doesn't need to be. We're hanging up and you're going to go talk to him."

"I'm not ready to."

"I'm hanging up now. Good luck!"

I'm left with silence. I set my phone down and bury my head in my pillow. This is so frustrating. How did everything become such a mess in just a matter of days? If Silas had just kept doing his volunteer work overseas I wouldn't even be having to deal with this. I'd still think about him but I'm used to that. I've been thinking about him for two years. But thinking about what we used to have is much different than having to think about the here and now and where we go in the future. My future is already planned and it doesn't include Silas.

Ugh...why did he have to come back?

Lilly's right. I need to talk to him. But not about us. Not yet. I need time to think, to really think about what I want in life, beyond just my career. After that, I'll talk to Silas. But until then, I want him back as my friend. I can't go any longer without seeing him. My heart hurts I miss him so much.

I shoot up from the bed, check myself in the mirror, adjust my ponytail, and leave my room, walking fast down the hall.

My mom passes me. "Honey, where are you going in such a hurry?"

"To see Silas."

I go out the front door and down the sidewalk to his house. I hope he's home.

Martin answers the door wearing his reading glasses, a book in his hand. He's always reading.

"Hi, Martin. Is Silas home?"

"Hello, Willow." He smiles, peering at me from above his reading glasses. "Silas is upstairs in his room."

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