Page 47 of Still Love You

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Willow

It's eight and I just finished cleaning up the kitchen. My mom had to work late and didn't get home until seven. She was exhausted so I made dinner, and after we ate I offered to clean up. Now she's catching up on processing orders for the farm. I'm going to have to take over some of her responsibilities. It's too much for her and I don't mind doing it. I don't have a job this summer other than helping in the fields, like I always do. But I don't do that every day. Just a few days a week, usually picking berries because the workers hate doing it and I actually like it.

I haven't talked to Silas since last night. I've spent today trying to figure out what to do. How we move forward from here. I'm desperate to talk to someone but I can't call any of my friends here in town. For one, I haven't kept in touch with them so I feel weird just calling them up after not talking for over a year. And two, if I talk to someone here, whatever I say might get back to Silas.

I decide to call Lilly, my friend from college. She knows about Silas but doesn't actually know him so won't tell him what I say.

Her phone rings several times before she picks up. "Willow, I was just going to call you. How's it going?"

"I slept with Silas," I blurt out.

"What?"

"I slept with Silas." I say it slower.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time. I'm just surprised. I thought you said—"

"I know. I promised myself it wouldn't happen, but we've been spending all this time together and we were lying in the back of his truck and it was dark and...well, it happened. And the worst thing is? I don't regret it. Not even a tiny bit. In fact, I practically begged him to do it."

"How was it?"

"Even better than it used to be. I'm not exaggerating. Maybe I was just really turned on last night or maybe it's because I haven't had sex for months."

"Or maybe it's because you're in love with Silas."

"Yeah, that too."

"Wait—what? You're admitting to being in love with Silas? Last year you denied it like a million times."

I sigh. "Well, I can't deny it anymore. I love Silas." I slap my palm against my forehead. "Ugh. I can't believe I just admitted it out loud. You know how long it's taken me to convince myself I was no longer in love with him?"

"I don't think you ever did."

"Yeah. You're right." I lie back on my bed. "What am I going to do?"

"Get back together with him."

"And then break up with him when I leave in the fall? No. I wouldn't do that to him. I hurt him once and it nearly killed me. I'm not going to do it again."

"Is he planning to stay there, or go back overseas for his volunteer work?"

"He's staying here. He's taking a summer class at the community college and he's going to take some more in the fall."

"What's he studying?"

"He's not sure yet. He's taking an accounting class so maybe he'll major in business."

"Sounds like he's changed from what you told me about him. You made it sound like he was just a hippie surfer who had no plans for his life."

"I shouldn't have said that. It's not true. That was just me trying to find excuses for why we shouldn't be together. 

"Then stop making excuses and be together."

"It won't work. We want different things. If I want to make it to the top, I'll have to spend my life at work. Silas doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be with someone who's always at the office or traveling all the time. He wants to be with someone who's home every night for dinner and can go out to the movies with him. Someone who has time to lie under the stars."

"That sounds like a good life. You sure you don't want that?"

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