Page 4 of Still Love You

CHAPTER TWO

Silas

It's been two years. Two years since I've seen her. Two years since I've talked to her. Two years since we had our last kiss. And despite all the days and hours in between that I tried to get over her, the truth is...I still love Willow.

But I can't tell her that. This summer will be hard enough. Living down the street from her. Working for her dad. Seeing her every day. Telling her how I feel would just complicate things even more. Besides, Willow doesn't want that. Us. She made that crystal clear the day she gave me back the engagement ring.

I asked her to marry me the day after I graduated from high school. She's a year younger than me so had just finished her junior year. Our parents are both liberal hippies so had no problem with us getting engaged at such a young age. They knew how in love we were, and to this day, Willow's mom is convinced that Willow and I are soul mates. I think so too. And I know, deep down, even Willow thinks that. But according to her, soul mates can't always be together.

We were engaged for just one week. During that week, we spent every moment together; happy, excited, and talking about our future. But then Willow panicked and called off the engagement. At first I wasn't worried. Willow panics all the time. She's high strung. I'm laid back. It's one of the things that makes us work so well together. We balance each other out. But when she wouldn't talk to me for days after she gave the ring back, I started to get worried. I went to her house but she wouldn't come to the door. I called her but she wouldn't pick up. I texted her but got nothing back. Finally, her parents forced her to talk to me. They sat us in a room and wouldn't let us leave until she'd given me an explanation. And her explanation was that she couldn't see a future with me, at least not the future she wanted.

Willow wants to be CEO of a large corporation someday. She wants to live in a big city in a high-rise apartment and drive a BMW and eat at trendy restaurants. As for me? I'm not entirely sure what my future holds but it's definitely not that. I'd be happy doing whatever odd jobs come my way. Living in a simple house. Driving a pick-up truck.

The only thing I knew for sure about my future is that I wanted Willow to be in it. To be my wife. My best friend. And someday the mother of my children. But that didn't work out, so I need to reevaluate my future, but every time I try, something always seems to be missing. And that something is Willow.

"I called you all those times because I wanted to talk," I say to Willow. "Just as friends."

"I know," she murmurs, her head dropping down.

She seems remorseful, probably wishing she'd answered at least a few of my calls. So why didn't she? The reason she gave me isn't good enough. She couldn't answer because we were broken up? That doesn't matter. We've been friends since we were kids. And friends talk to each other, even after having their hearts broken.

"Are you mad at me?" she asks, her eyes now straight ahead.

"I was," I say, being honest. "But I'm over it."

I can't stay mad at her. I've never been able to. I'm not an angry person. I don't hold grudges. I was more hurt than angry after she gave me the ring back. She was hurt too. In fact, when she told me she couldn't see a future with me, she cried. Sobbed. While I held her in my arms.

So how could I be mad at her? Breaking off our engagement hurt her as much as it hurt me. But she felt like she had to do it because she wanted a life that I didn't. I could've gone along with it and lived that life just to be with her, but I knew if I did that, I wouldn't be happy. Willow knows that too, which is why she'd never let me do it.

After we had that talk, I packed my bags and flew to Europe. I couldn't be around Willow. We needed space. I backpacked for two weeks through different countries, taking the train and staying in youth hostels. It was always a dream of mine to do that, but I always thought I'd be doing it with Willow. We talked about it when we first started dating. We said we'd go the summer after I graduated. But then we broke up, so backpacking through Europe without her wasn't so much a dream as a heartache. For those entire two weeks, I couldn't stop thinking about her, wishing she were there with me.

"Hey." I nudge her arm from across the seat. "The past is the past. We're still friends, right?"

She smiles at me but it's a sad smile. "Yeah, of course."

Why is she sad? Because I'm here? I know she doesn't want me here. I could tell by the look on her face when she saw me. I'm sure that's why her parents didn't tell her I'd be working for them this summer. She doesn't want to be faced with the past, which is what I am to her. Just a piece of her past.

Willow doesn't like going backwards. She's always moving forward at lightning speed, which is why I never quite understood why she agreed to go out with me in the first place. She knows I don't rush through life. I take things slow, appreciate the moment, live in the here and now. But Willow? She's always racing ahead, sprinting toward whatever goals she's set for herself. Part of me admires that about her, but the other part of me wishes she wasn't like that, because by doing that, she's missing out on the present. Missing out on the moments she might want to remember someday.

"Silas, look!" Willow perks up, pointing at the next exit. "It's that burger place we love. Do you want to stop?"

"But your parents are making dinner."

She rolls her eyes. "Oh, please. Tofu and vegetables is not dinner. I need real food and this may be my last chance to have it. Can we stop? Please?"

I smile at her. "Only if you split a milkshake with me. And an extra large fry."

"Yes. To all of it." She sighs and reclines back in her seat. "God, that sounds good. They have the best fries. I haven't been to this place since...well, since you left."

She says it as though I wanted to leave. Like I had a choice in the matter. Did she really expect me to stick around? See her all summer without being able to touch her? Kiss her? Put my arms around her? Tell her I love her? It would've been torture to not be able to do those things. And it's not like I could've avoided her. She lives just a few houses down from me. We had the same friends. Hung out at the same places.

But as hard as it would've been, I would've stayed if she'd told me to. If I thought there was any chance we might get back together, I never would've left. But that's not what happened.

When I told Willow I was leaving, she told me to go. And when I told her I might stay in Europe and not come back, she didn't try to stop me. She made it clear we were done and that she was moving on without me. But based on her comment just now, it seems that she remembers things differently. Or maybe it's easier on her if she pretends that I left her. That I'm the one who ended things, not her.

I park in front of Bobbi's Burger Shack. It's one of those places where you can park and order from your car. Or you can order at the window and eat at the picnic tables scattered out front.

Willow and I used to come here all the time. Our parents, who are strict vegans, wouldn't approve of us eating burgers, which is why we never told them we came here. But one day, my mom found a Bobbi's Burger Shack cup in my car. I found it in the garbage later and knew she put it there. When she saw me, she just shook her head and mooed. I laughed and gave her a hug and told her she's an awesome mom. Because she is. She doesn't get angry over little stuff, like her son sneaking out to eat a burger, even though she's vehemently opposed to eating meat herself. She raised me to be who I am, not who she wants me to be. Willow's parents are the same way. We both got lucky that way.

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