Page 37 of Still Love You

CHAPTER NINE

Willow

"You smell like goulash," I say as we wait in line to be seated at our favorite Chinese restaurant in downtown Berkeley.

Silas lifts his t-shirt to his nose. "I do not smell like freaking goulash."

"You do." He doesn't, but I needed an excuse to get closer to him. "Come here." He leans down and I sniff his neck, inhaling the clean fresh scent of his cologne mixed with the scent that is uniquely Silas. God, I love that smell. I could live in that smell.

"So? Do you smell it?"

I lift my head up to look at him. "No. I guess I was wrong."

"You're nuts." His arms go around me and he squeezes me into his chest, where I get another whiff of that intoxicating scent. He keeps me held against him as we wait in line.

"Two for Sparks," he says to the hostess.

"It'll be about ten minutes," I hear her say.

"Ten minutes," he says to me, then kisses the top of my head. "Hmm...what could we do in ten minutes?"

I laugh, my head shooting up from against his chest. "We are not doing that. Absolutely not."

I'm referring to the one and only time we had sex outside in a public place. Okay, not the only time, but the one and only time we did it while waiting for a table. We were at an Italian place and it was late and dark outside and we had a ten-minute wait to be seated, so we snuck out to the alley and did it against the building. It was completely inappropriate but also really hot, in a way that still gets me aroused when I think about it.

Silas whispers by my ear. "We could go behind the building. No one would see us. And this skirt you're wearing is perfect for—"

"No," I say, sounding breathless. I push him back and smooth my skirt. "Let's just wait for the table."

He smiles and spins me around, hugging my back to his chest. I always loved it when he held me like this. His arms wrapped around me in a protective hold, letting the world know I was his.

"You hungry?" he asks.

"Starving." I tilt my head back on his chest.

"Me too." He kisses my forehead.

I shouldn't let him take me out for dinner like this. I'm sure he has little to no money. My dad can't afford to pay his workers very much. Instead he gives them bonuses throughout the year. But Silas just started so he hasn't received a bonus. And he didn't get paid for his volunteer work the past couple years, other than getting free room and board.

We're seated a few minutes later and order our favorite dishes; beef and broccoli for me and Kung Pao chicken for him. Sitting here having dinner, talking and laughing, it feels like we're boyfriend and girlfriend again. I know it's wrong to pretend that we are, knowing we don't have a future together, but I can't seem to stop myself. When I'm with Silas, I want to be with him, as in be his girlfriend. Hold his hand. Hug him. Kiss him.

Two years ago, I told myself it was over and that Silas and I would never be together again. I didn't even think I'd see him again. And now? All I can think about is how much I want to be with him. Even today, when I was home and he was working on the farm, I missed him and wanted to go see him.

"Do you think it's safe to go back to your house?" I kid, as Silas pulls out of the parking lot. We just finished dinner and are leaving the restaurant.

"I don't want to risk it. Why don't we find a coffee shop instead?"

"Okay." I laugh. "Maybe the goulash was your mom's way of making us go out tonight. I think she wants us to get back together."

"Did she tell you that?"

"No, but she acts like she does. Did my parents say anything to you? About us getting back together?"

"No. Well, I guess your dad did. He basically told me I had no chance with you."

"He did?" I'm a little shocked by that, given how much my dad likes Silas. "Did he say why?"

"He said your mind is set on what you want for your future, implying that your future doesn't include me."

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