Page 33 of Still Love You

"Sexy school girl," I say. "Cowgirl. Either one works for me."

"I got you some water." Just like that, the flirting ends and she's back to being my friend, nothing more. It's frustrating. She reaches behind us and grabs two metal water bottles. Her parents won't buy water in plastic bottles. Mine won't either. "This is all we had for chips." She hands me a bag of sesame kale chips.

"I think I'll pass, but thanks."

She tosses them behind us. "So anyway, what do you think is up with my mom? Why would she get an office job?"

I want to tell her the truth. All of it. But I can't. I promised her parents I wouldn't. They want to be the ones to tell her and they want to wait until the time is right. Hopefully that's soon because lying to her is next to impossible. I've always been honest with her.

"Maybe she wanted to try something new. A lot of parents do that when their kid goes to college. They reevaluate their lives and decide to do something different."

"I guess, but an office job is so unlike her." She holds onto my arm just as I was about to lift my sandwich to my mouth. "You should've seen what she was wearing. A skirt and a blouse! And not her typical hippie skirt and blouse, but a black pencil skirt and one of those polyester-blend blouses in a beige color. Beige! My mother has never worn beige. I about fell over when I saw her. I've never seen her dress that way."

"She can't show up to an office in her other clothes. She was just following the dress code."

"You don't seem to be getting the bigger picture here. My mom has an office job!" She lets go of my arm. "This makes no sense." She continues to talk while I eat my sandwich. "I mean, it would make sense if they needed the money, but they don't. The farm makes good money. We have all these new customers." She motions to the handful of workers sitting at the picnic tables. "And my dad has obviously found ways to be more efficient, cutting his labor costs. We used to have twice that many guys."

He needs twice that many guys. He just can't afford them.

"So I don't know what the deal is." She leans back on her hands. "Maybe you're right. Maybe my mom's just going through some kind of mid-life crisis. Feeling the need to try something new. Maybe that's why she redecorated the living room. I'm still not used to walking in the house and not being hit with a rainbow of color. She even repainted their bedroom. The same pale green color as the living room. And they have a dresser instead of just tossing their clothes in baskets all over the floor." She pauses. "You know what's weird?"

"What?" I gulp down some water.

"I always hated the way they decorated. The bright colors that didn't go together. The furniture that didn't match. The way everything was so cluttered and disorganized. But now?" She straightens her legs, staring down at her boots.

"Yeah?"

"I kind of miss it." She drops her legs and swings them back and forth again. "Is that strange?"

"No. You grew up with the house the way it used to be and now that it's changed, it's like that part of your life is gone."

"Yes! Exactly!" She turns to me. "As dumb as it sounds, I feel like a piece of my childhood is gone and now all I have are the memories." She lifts her leg up on the truck, bending her knee and resting her chin on it. "And now my mom is working a regular job. She won't even be home until six." She sighs. "Why do things have to change?"

"Because people change. They grow and change and decide they want different things out of life."

I feel like this conversation has suddenly become about us. And her.

Willow's eyes lift to mine. "A person can want different things without changing."

"But sometimes those different things end up changing the person. Remember when you changed schools and became a cheerleader? Didn't you feel like that changed you?"

"I guess so. Do you think it did?"

"Definitely. That's when your obsessive need to succeed took over and you did just about every extracurricular activity at school. I had to date you just to give you a break from all that."

She tilts her head. "That's the only reason you dated me?"

I lean down and kiss her on the lips. "I dated you because I love you. I always have, even when we were kids, and I didn't want anyone else to have the girl I love."

Telling her that just now? That was an example of doing as her dad said and living in the moment. I laid it all out there. Told her how I felt. She already knows it, but I said it anyway because I only have a few short months with her and after that I may never see her again. Even if I'm still living here next summer, she could have someone else by then, and if she does, he won't want her hanging out with her ex. So I'm just going to be honest with her so she knows how I feel. I don't want to live my life with regrets, wishing I'd done or said something, especially when it comes to Willow.

She bites her lip, her eyes watery. I didn't think what I said would make her so emotional. But the fact that it did is just another clue that she's not over us. That there's still a chance.

"I need to get back to work." I jump down from the truck, then lift her up into my arms and hug her, letting her feet dangle down. "Thanks again for lunch." I set her down.

"Silas, you got dirt all over me." She brushes it off the front of her shorts.

I grin. "Then I guess you'll have to change into the naughty school girl outfit for tonight."

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