Page 25 of Still Love You

"You should try a relationship sometime," I tell him. "It'd be good for you."

"I'm not a relationship type of guy. Maybe that'll change when I'm older, but for now I'm playing the field. Enjoying my options. Moving on when things get boring. And there are plenty of girls out there who want the same thing."

I get the feeling he's implying Willow is one of those girls. And maybe she is. She said she hasn't had a boyfriend in two years but that she still went on dates. So does that mean she'd go out with someone like Trent? Someone just to have sex with? Shit, I hope not.

"I've gotta go," I say, grabbing my keys and heading downstairs. "I told Carl I'd be over there by now."

"When you see Willow, tell her I said hello." He says it like he's interested in her.

"Don't even think of asking her out. I'll freaking strangle you."

"Relax. I know she's yours." And then he mumbles, "Even though she's not."

I go out to my truck. "Why are we friends again?"

He laughs. "Because you love me. And I'm the only one who tells you the truth."

"Bye, Trent." I hang up and pull out of the driveway and head to the farm. It's a few miles outside of town. I was going to get there at seven this morning but Carl told me to wait until after lunch. It's Sunday, and he doesn't want me working weekends, but I insisted so he told me I could work a half day.

In order to get everything done, we should both be working sixteen hour days, seven days a week. The farm isn't huge, but it's still a lot of work and Carl had to let some of his workers go because he couldn't afford to pay them.

Willow's parents have had financial problems for the past year. I don't know all the details or how it all started. I just know that they haven't been able to keep up with their bills and now they're in serious debt and may lose the farm.

Carl told me he's depleted his savings account and can't get any more loans from the bank. The only money he has left, which he refuses to touch, is Willow's college fund. That's why we can't tell her what's going on. If she knew, she'd insist on taking time off from college or switching to a cheaper school, and her parents don't want her doing that. I don't want her to either. She's always wanted to go to Camsburg and now that she's there, I'd hate to see it taken away from her or have her not be able to go to college at all.

"Hi, Carl." I walk into the trailer, which he uses as an office. It's not much. There's a desk and a few chairs and a small table where he eats his lunch.

"Hello, Silas." He gives me a wide grin. From his cheerful demeanor, you'd never know he's on the verge of losing his farm and maybe his house. That's just how he is. Candace is the same way. They're eternal optimists, choosing to believe things will somehow work out. And if they don't, at least they have their family and their health. That's all that matters to them.

"Gorgeous day, today." Carl stands at the window, looking out at the fields. "Full sun and not a cloud in the sky."

I stand next to him, taking in the view; rows of green-topped vegetables neatly lined up, the sun shining down on them. Being here at sunset is even better. The colors light up the sky and there's nobody around. It's peaceful. Quiet. Simple.

That's what I like. The simple things, like a beautiful sunset. Or the way a carrot tastes fresh out of the ground. Or the way it feels to connect with someone through a kiss. Like last night, with Willow.

Last night didn't go how I'd planned. Actually, there was no plan. I thought we were just going to the movie. But then the whole incident with Kristy sent the evening down a different course. Willow was jealous, extremely jealous, and I had to know why.

I needed to know if Willow still had feelings for me. I hadn't planned to spill my heart out like that, telling her I love her and that I wanted to try again, but I never think straight when I'm with her. My emotions take over and I say things I didn't mean to say.

Willow told me to move on. That we weren't getting back together. But I knew she was lying. That's not what she wants. Her words said one thing, but her body said another. The way she responded when I kissed her? It's like she never wanted it to end. She kept pulling me closer, and when I made even the slightest attempt to back away, she held on, like she wanted to keep me there.

Kissing her was just like I remembered. We have more than just chemistry. When we kiss, we express how we feel about each other. And last night, the moment my lips touched hers, it was as if the past two years never happened. Like nothing had changed. I could feel how much she still cared about me, wanted me, wanted what we used to have.

I wanted to keep the kiss going but I needed to end it because if I push her too far, she'll revert back to the Willow I left when I took off for Europe. When we said goodbye before I went to the airport, she was closed-off, distant, almost like a stranger. I saw a glimpse of that Willow again when I arrived at her dorm yesterday. But then I lifted her up and put her in my truck, and the playful, sweet Willow I know and love started peeking through.

As the day wore on, more of it peeked through. And last night, when we shared that kiss, I could feel the old Willow desperate to break loose. Desperate to tell me how she really feels and what she really wants. But she wouldn't let herself say those words. Instead she told me to let her go. To find someone else.

It was her tears that convinced me she was lying. She doesn't want me to be with someone else. She wants us to be together. To have what we used to have. And knowing that gave me hope. In fact, hearing her shaky voice when she told me to move on, and feeling her wet cheeks, made my heart spring to life. For the first time in two years, I felt like Willow and I have another chance at having a future together. 

"Where do you want me to start?" I ask Carl. "The lettuce rows?"

He turns to me, releasing a long exhale. "Silas, why are you doing this? Is it to prove something to my daughter? If so, I need to be honest and tell you that it's unlikely she'll want to continue what you two had together. She's got her mind set on a certain future and she's determined to make it happen."

"This isn't about Willow. This is about helping people I care about and doing something I believe in." I gaze out at the fields. "This farm may not generate a lot of money but you're doing something important. Working the land without polluting it. Growing food that isn't coated in chemicals. Providing jobs for guys that have very little education. I don't want to see all that end and have this land sold to some rich developer who'll end up turning it into another strip mall."

"This far out of town, it'll probably be a housing development."

"Either way, that's not what it's meant to be. This is your land. And you love doing this, so this is what you should do." I pause. "As for Willow and me, I'm not sure what will happen with us but I'm not ready to give up on her. I'd never stop her from going after her dreams. I just want to make sure that dream is really what she wants."

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