Page 18 of Still Love You

"I dated, but I didn't have a boyfriend," I say.

"And you don't now?"

"No. How about you?" At least I didn't sound nervous when I asked. Maybe I'm getting better at hiding it.

"Yeah." 

"Yeah, what?" That sounded nervous, because I am now that I heard his answer. My heart's racing and I'm feeling kind of sick.

"I had a girlfriend."

"What was her name?"

"The last one was Lisa."

"Last one? How many did you have?"

"Three."

"Three?" I'm yelling again. Dammit. I clear my throat. "You had three girlfriends?"

He chuckles. "Not all at the same time."

"Well, yeah, I know that. I'm just surprised you had three girlfriends in two years."

"That was last year. I actually had two before that."

Anger and jealousy course through me, which makes no sense. Silas hasn't been my boyfriend for two years. I told him we had no future together, so he had every right to date other girls, or...five other girls.

"Where did you meet them?"

"At the projects I was working on. The non-profit I worked for recruited a lot of college students who were willing to take a semester off to do volunteer work. We'd all arrive to a project at the same time and go through training together. Spending all that time together you really got to know each other. People tended to hook up the first week or two."

Hook up?As in have sex? Why am I surprised? Of course he had sex with his girlfriend, which means he had sex with five girls since we broke up. Maybe more than that. Now I really feel sick. I know I had sex with other guys, but still. I liked living in this fantasy world in which Silas never had sex again.

"Willow, let's not talk about this. I don't like talking about other girls with you." He pauses. "And I really don't want to hear about the other guys you dated."

I nod, and keep quiet until we reach the park.

The place is packed with people, mostly people our age. These outdoor movies are really just a place to meet up with friends. Then ten minutes into the movie, you leave and go do something else. Or you find someone to hook up with and go...hook up. I can't even think those words without imagining Silas with a girl. Why did he have so many girls? Did he get a new one at every new country he went to?

"Does this work?" Silas has the blanket laid out on the grass. We're far away from the screen but the front spots were already taken.

"Yeah, that works."

He sets down our snacks. "You want to walk around? See if there's anyone here we know? Trent's here somewhere but we may never find him in this crowd."

He takes my hand but I pull it away. "We probably shouldn't do that here. If we see people we know, they'll start rumors that we're going out again."

He smiles. "What's wrong with that?"

He's right. I don't care if people think we're going out. It's not like I'm hoping to attract a guy tonight. I don't want a boyfriend this summer. I'm fine being single. I can date again when I go back to school in the fall.

"Come on." I push him ahead and he leads us through the crowds.

"Silas!" someone yells. I recognize the voice but can't see him. He must be sitting down.

"Hey, Trent." Silas walks toward him and I follow behind.

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