Page 137 of Still Love You

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Willow

I'm convinced I'm going through Silas withdrawal. I was completely addicted to that boy, and still am. Ever since we broke up, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. Wanting him. Craving him. It's bad. So bad. I have dreams about him. Naughty dreams. And if that's not bad enough, I keep embarrassing myself, trying to find ways to be around him.

I'm like a pathetic lovesick teenager. Technically, at 19, I still am a teenager but I like to think I'm no longer pathetic or lovesick when it comes to guys. But it turns out that's exactly what I am when it comes to Silas.

It's a good thing I've had work to keep me busy so I'm not constantly thinking about him. I'm starting to really like working in the family business. Actually, I love it. I'm surprised I'm even admitting that because for years I told myself I had no interest in the farm. I'd help out every summer but I had no interest in doing anything beyond that. My dream was to run a large corporation. I even imagined what my office would look like, with a big desk and floor-to-ceiling windows that look out at a city skyline.

But just last week, as I was sitting in my parents' office, I imagined myself running a small business. I even imagined running the farm someday, transforming it into something bigger but still keeping that homegrown family feel. I'd expand the prepared food line with jams and jellies and salsa, and maybe even get them into retail stores. And I'd do the same with the soaps and lotions and other skincare products.

Last night I wrote all my ideas down and had so many I didn't finish until two in the morning. Now I'm actually considering doing this. I might do like Silas said and take next semester off and go to UC-Berkeley in the spring. I'll miss being at Camsburg, but I'm not as sad as I was about not going back because I have other options. Options I might even like better than my old ones.

"Thanks for dinner," Silas says as we're driving home. I took him to the barbecue place he likes.

"You should thank my dad. It was his money."

"You still invited me. You could've gone with someone else."

"Well, apparently I have no friends other than you," I say kiddingly.

"Willow, I didn't mean it that way. I know you have friends."

"I did, but they've all moved on. Or some moved away. I called Kami last week and she's working at a summer camp in Portland. And Anna got an internship in San Diego."

He nudges my arm. "So that's why you wanted to be friends again? You had no other options?"

"No. It's because..." I pause. "Because I missed you. I really missed you, Silas."

He smiles at me. "I missed you too." He pulls the truck into my driveway. "Have a good night."

"Oh. Okay." I hear the disappointment in my voice.

"Is something wrong?"

"I guess I didn't know we were done." I undo my seatbelt and put my hand on the door handle. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Bye."

I start to get out but then stop, turning back to Silas. "Would you care if I came over for a little while? I know you have to work, but it's Friday night and I'm not quite ready to go home."

A slight smile appears. "Sure. You can come over."

I close the door, relieved that he agreed to it. Dinner only took an hour and I want more time with him. I freeze when I feel his arm reach over me for the seatbelt.

"Gotta buckle up." His hand brushes against my chest as he pulls the belt over me and clicks it in place. I'm burning up inside from just his brief touch, which is completely ridiculous. Just a few weeks ago, I was having sex with him several times a day, and now just the feel of his hand on me sends sparks flying? This guy has way too much power over me, and yet I like it.

"So what do you want to do?" he asks on the short drive to his house.

"Maybe just hang out in your room," I say casually so he doesn't read anything into it. He's being very strict about this platonic rule and although I know why he's doing it, I find it frustrating because it makes me want him even more.

Once we're in his room, he sits on his bed, tempting me once again. But I fight the temptation and go sit at his desk.

"Can I see what you've been working on?" I ask, turning to face his computer.

"Yeah, I can show you." He comes up behind me, leaning over me to wake up his laptop. His scent surrounds me. The scent that belongs only to him, and that I love and find comfort in. "So this is what I've been working on for my mom." He clicks open several files, each with a different logo. "These are just some rough drafts. I have a lot more work to do."

I look over his designs. "Silas, these are so good."

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