Page 121 of Still Love You

"That all sounds good when you say it, but it doesn't always work that way in real life. Silas and I may love each other, but the fact remains that we still want different things in life. If we stay together, one of us will have to give up what we want."

"Willow." She moves my hair behind my shoulder. "No matter who you end up with, you'll have to make sacrifices. That's part of being in a relationship."

"But this is more than a few sacrifices. Being with Silas means changing where I live and what I want to do." I pause. "I guess that's not true anymore. I have no idea what I'm going to do now."

"You're still going to college," she says in the same stern tone my dad used earlier. "If we can't afford Camsburg, you'll go to school somewhere else, but you're not quitting college."

So she's finally admitting that I may not be going back to Camsburg. I knew it was a possibility, but hearing her say it made it a thousand times more real. This is really happening. I'm not going back to Camsburg in the fall. I've wanted to go there since I was a kid, and I did. I made it happen. And I have friends there. Best friends. But now it's over. It's all ending.

Tears fall before I can stop them.

My mom hugs me. "I'm sorry, honey. I know this is hard. Your father and I hate disappointing you like this and we'll do everything possible to try to keep you at Camsburg."

"It's not going to happen. It's way too expensive."

"You can always take out loans. I don't like the idea of you taking on all that debt but it may be our only option."

"You have to do it, Mom. You have to use the money to save your business and the house."

She nods. "It hasn't come to that yet, but if things get worse, then yes, we may need to borrow from your college fund to pay our bills."

I'm glad she's finally agreeing to it, but also sad, because it means I need to find a new college and won't see my friends anymore.

She sits back. "Let's go have dinner. And then you need to go talk to Silas."

We go to the kitchen and I set the table while my dad tells us some funny story he heard on the news. He's acting like our problems don't exist. Trying to keep my mind off them. My mom is doing the same, laughing at his story in an attempt to keep the mood light.

My parents are much better at dealing with setbacks and uncertainty than I am. They always believe things will work out. So does Silas. 

But me? I need more than a belief. I need proof that things will work out. And since I don't have that, I'm left feeling confused. Lost. Unsure how to move forward. 

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