Page 118 of Still Love You

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Willow

For the past hour I've been going through my parents' files, seeing all the unpaid pills, but not believing any of this is true. The evidence is all around me and yet I don't want to believe it.

How could they let this happen? My parents have been running the farm for twenty years and we've never had money problems. They may be liberal in their beliefs, but they've always been conservative when it comes to money. They don't buy expensive clothes. They don't eat out much. They live in a small house and only have one car. So how did this happen? Where did all their money go? Why are they in so much debt?

I toss the bills aside and lean back against the wall. I close my eyes, trying to focus on a way to fix this, but instead, I keep seeing Silas in my head and how sad and hurt he looked when I told him we were over.

But he lied to me, so what choice did I have? I had to break up with him. If I can't trust him, then we can't have a relationship. He had so many opportunities to tell me the truth. Just a week ago, I asked him if he thought my parents were having money problems and he didn't give me an answer. He let me think everything was okay. I trusted him to be honest with me and he wasn't.

I rise up from the floor, grab some tissues from the desk, and wipe my face off. My parents will be home soon and I need to get myself together before they get here. I don't want to fight with them but I have a feeling that's what will happen. They'll try to tell me I'm going back to school in the fall and I'll refuse and then we'll start fighting.

I go out to the living room and see Silas sitting on the couch. He gets up when he sees me.

"What are you still doing here?" I ask. "You were supposed to leave an hour ago."

"I'm waiting for your parents to get home. I didn't want you here alone."

"I'm fine. Just go." I walk quickly to my room but feel him behind me.

"Willow, wait." He holds my arm.

I hear the garage door opening. "That's them. You need to go."

"Are you going to call me later?"

My back is to him as I shake my head.

He comes around in front of me. "Willow, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But don't shut me out. I want to be here for you."

"I don't need you," I mutter.

"Don't say that. It's not true."

He's right. It's a lie. I do need him. Now more than ever. But right now, I don't trust him. And I don't trust myself around him. When he's close to me like this, I want to touch him and kiss him and tell him I love him. But that's just leading him on. Making him think we have a future together. Like Trent said, I need to make a decision about Silas. I can't keep this going if I know it's eventually going to end.

I need time to think. To sort things out and figure out what I'm going to do. About Silas. About school. About my future. The plan I made is over. Done. Gone. And that has me in a state of panic.

Silas wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest. I don't even try to resist because it's what I need and what I want. But I shouldn't let him do it. Not until I make a decision about him.

He strokes my hair and whispers, "I love you." We hear my parents walking in the door as he slowly backs away. "Call me later." He softly kisses my forehead and then leaves.

My dad says something to Silas but I can't make out his words. I go into my room and hear my mom behind me.

"Honey, I'm sorry. But we just couldn't tell you."

I turn and see her standing at the door with tears in her eyes and my anger toward her suddenly fades away.

"Please don't be mad at us," she says. "We thought we were doing the right thing."

"Mom." I go up to her and hug her. "I'm not mad at you. I just wish you'd told me because I want to help."

"I know you do." She takes me over to the bed to sit down. "But your father and I didn't want you worrying about this. It's our responsibility, not yours."

My mom looks exhausted, with dark circles and bags under her eyes. She's probably not sleeping well because she's stressed and tired from having to work at that new job while also managing the farm. I never really noticed how tired she looked until now. How did I not notice this before? I see her every day.

"Willow." My dad appears at my door. He, too, looks exhausted but not as bad as my mom.

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