Page 112 of Still Love You

"I'm not lying! I've thought about Silas every single day since we broke up. Was I thinking about our future together? No, because I didn't think I'd see him again. But I still thought about him! I haven't even had a boyfriend the past two years because I expected every guy I dated to live up to Silas and none of them could." I pause to take a calming breath because I'm about to explode. "You need to stay out of this, Trent. Right now, you're the one hurting Silas by telling me to break up with him. He's happy and so am I."

"For now. But what happens at the end of summer?"

"I'll go back to college and Silas and I will continue dating. I'll come home on the weekends and see him, or he can come see me."

"Camsburg is over three hours away. You're really going to come home every weekend? And then what? What happens after you graduate? You told Silas he didn't fit in your plan. So did your plan change?"

"I'm not talking to you about this. This is between Silas and me."

"Silas is too blind to see what you're doing to him. If I don't intervene, he'll fuck up his life again and you'll go on as if nothing happened."

"What do you mean when you say he fucked up his life? After we broke up, he went backpacking in Europe. That's what he wanted to do."

"Yeah, but after that, he was going to come back here and work all summer to earn money for school and to save up for an apartment. In the fall he was supposed to start college. He'd already registered."

"Wait...what?" I sit down again, that lump in my throat getting bigger. "Why didn't he tell me that?"

"He was going to. The night you broke up with him. It was supposed to be a surprise. He was going to go over the trip stuff with you and then he was going to tell you the other stuff." Trent takes his baseball cap off and runs his hand through his hair as he sighs. "He did it all for you, Willow. He wanted you to have a good life and to always have whatever you needed. He didn't want you two having to struggle after you got married. He wanted to show you that he was responsible and would take care of you. But all his plans fell apart when you told him it was over. He cancelled his registration for fall classes and took off for Europe and didn't come back until now."

I drop my head and rub my eyes, thinking about what Trent said. Going to college? Working all summer? That wasn't the Silas I knew back then. He was a free spirit. Sometimes he took odd jobs for extra money, or made jewelry for his mom to sell, but he never had a regular steady job. He didn't want one, at least that's what he told me. He also told me he had no interest in ever going to college. But now that I think about it, he hadn't said those things in the months leading up to his proposal. So maybe that whole time, all those months, he was planning for our future and I didn't even know it.

"He's starting to get back on track now," Trent says. "He's taking classes in the fall and he's starting to think about his career. And I don't want you coming in and ruining it like you did last time. It's not fair to him, Willow. You can't just use him for the summer, then toss him aside."

"I'm not doing that," I whisper. But am I? I love Silas and I want to be with him, but if I don't see a future with us, then what am I doing? Just using him? "I want a future with him," I think to myself, then realize I said it out loud.

"Do you want it enough to change the future you've already laid out for yourself? Because I know you, Willow, and I know how freaking rigid you are. You decide to do something and you do it. You don't let anything stand in the way. Not even Silas."

"That's not true. I just need time to think and make some decisions."

"You need to make your decision now. If you're breaking up with Silas, you can't wait until August or sometime next fall. You can't keep stringing him along."

"I'm not breaking up with him. I love him."

"You said you loved him before, and you still broke up with him."

He's right. So what am I doing? Am I just repeating the past? Is this going to end the same way it did last time? Back then, I panicked, thinking we'd never get what we wanted in life if we stayed together. We wanted such different things back then, but now? I feel like things have changed. We're more grown up. But what if the summer ends and I panic again? I can't do that to Silas. Like Trent said, I need to make a decision. Either I stay with Silas with the idea that we're going to have a future together, or I let him go.

Trent gets up from his chair. "Just end this. Let him move on with his life. You've done enough damage."

His words and his tone set me off and I shoot up from the couch. "You don't know anything about Silas and me. Maybe you did in the past but you don't now. So stay the hell out of our relationship. Stop badmouthing me to Silas and stop trying to set him up with other girls. Silas and I are together. Deal with it." I point to the door. "Now get out of my house."

"I'm not giving up on this, Willow. I'm not letting Silas fuck up his life because of you. I sat back and watched it happen before, but I'm not doing it again. And I'm not letting you use him all summer, then dump his ass in the fall. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way, especially after all the shit he's doing for your family." He storms off toward the door.

I run after him. "Trent, wait. What are you talking about? What's he doing for my family?"

"Shit." Trent sighs and closes his eyes.

"What? What does that mean?"

He opens his eyes. "I wasn't supposed to tell you this but what the hell? Maybe knowing this will get you to finally let Silas go."

"Knowing what? What did Silas do?"

"He's working for your dad all summer for free."

"What? No. That's not right. My dad pays him. He's not working for free."

"Willow, I'm not making this up. He's not getting paid. Before you got back from college, Silas was working sixteen hour days, seven days a week. All for free. He got back to town early May and was signed up to take three classes this summer. But he dropped two so he could help your dad."

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