Page 118 of Always Us

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JADE

Ever since Garret and I got married, I’ve done a lot of thinking about being a mom. I’ve talked to my counselor about my fears and I’ve started to address those fears. And I’ve made a decision about having kids. I’ve decided that it’s definitely something I want. Not right now, but in the future.

Even though I’ve made this decision, sometimes my fears creep back in my head when I think about my childhood and hear my mom yelling at me. But like I told the women I gave that speech to, life is full of choices and those choices determine what path you end up on. When I said those words, I was describing my past, but those words also apply to my future. I can make the choice to be a good mom. To be completely different than my own mom.

The past doesn’t have to dictate the future. And I have examples of that right in front of me. Like my friend, Sara. She grew up with a bad mom and yet Sara is one of the greatest moms I know.

Then I think of Pearce. Holton was a terrible father and yet Pearce isn’t like that. Despite his dad’s influence on him, Pearce tries really hard to be a good father. In fact, this past weekend, seeing Pearce being such a great dad to Garret and Lilly just reaffirmed my decision to have kids. I don’t know what Holton was like when Pearce was a kid, but I’m guessing he was abusive to his son. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. And Pearce had to put up with that for years. So if he can be a good dad, despite having Holton as a father, then I can be a good mom.

“Jade, we’re getting ready to land.” Garret’s voice wakes me from my thoughts. I’m resting on his shoulder with my eyes closed.

“That was fast.” I sit up and stretch a little.

“Fast? We’ve been flying all day.”

“I slept for most of the flight so it seemed fast to me.”

“I wish I could sleep on planes, but I just can’t get comfortable.”

“What have you been doing all this time?”

“Studying for finals. And then I was reading this.” He holds up a business magazine. “There was an article in here about the guy who owns WaveField Sports. The guy who offered to be my mentor.”

“Yeah, what did it say?”

“They interviewed him and he said he wants to start a new company. He didn’t say what it would be, but he said he’ll need to put all his efforts into the new company, which means he’ll probably be selling WaveField.”

“That’s too bad. You think he’ll still be your mentor?”

“Well, yeah. It doesn’t matter what company he owns. He can still teach me stuff. It’s just that I was really interested in the sporting goods company, but I’m sure he won’t sell it right away. He’ll probably wait a couple years.”

The speaker above me blares as the pilot announces we’re about to land.

Garret holds my hand, like he always does during takeoffs and landings.

“Hey.” He says it quickly, and when I look at him, he gives me a kiss just as the wheels touch down, and he keeps kissing me until the plane comes to a stop. “Thought I’d distract you this time.”

“Thanks. You should do that every time.”

“It’s a deal.” He gives my hand a squeeze, then gets up and stands in the aisle. “My legs are killing me. Too much sitting. I need to walk around.”

“Let’s take a walk on the beach when we get home.”

He agrees and we exit the plane, then get our luggage and head to the car. It’s warm and sunny outside, a complete contrast to the winter wonderland we left back in Connecticut. That storm dumped eight inches of snow on the ground, making it seem a lot more like December than it does here. I kind of miss not having the four seasons anymore, but the warm weather is a lot better than the bitterly cold weather we just left.

Garret and I have a quick dinner, then go out on the beach and stroll along the sand. We walk for about a mile, then turn around.

“Kiefer wants to drive up here and talk to me,” Garret announces when we’re almost back at the house.

“Why does he want to talk to you?”

“I think he wants to ask me questions about the organization.”

“Why you? If he has questions, he can ask your dad.”

“My dad will just tell him what he wants to hear. That being a member is great and wonderful and a privilege and whatever other bullshit lies they tell their members, or future members in Kiefer’s case. My dad can’t tell him the truth. He’d get in trouble if he did.”

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