Page 109 of Lilly

"No. Membership is only passed to sons, not daughters."

She rolls her eyes. "Well, that's sexist."

"Believe me. You don't want to be part of this. I didn't either. That's why I got out. But at the time I wasn't given a choice. I was supposed to join when I was 19 but Dad didn't want me to be part of it so he risked his life to get me out of my obligation."

"Why didn't you want to join? What does this group do?"

I spend the next half hour telling her about their purpose and goals and what they're willing to do to achieve those goals, including how they hurt people. I keep it fairly general because she doesn't need to know specifics. Not now. This is a lot to take in and I can tell she's already overwhelmed by what I've told her so far. She's been quietly listening, not even asking any questions.

Next I explain what she saw today and how that man was a freelancer hired to kill Mom. I tell her how the organization now accepts a small number of outsiders and how Reed's dad was chosen for possible membership. I hint at the fact that Katherine was behind it but don't come right out and say it. Lilly's smart enough to figure it out.

When I'm done, I wait for her to say something.

"So Dad's done these things?" Her lip quivers, tears welling up in her eyes.

Shit. I thought I made it clear this wasn't his choice but I guess I didn't do a good enough job. Now she thinks he's a monster, a killer, a criminal.

"It was a long time ago," I tell her. "And he didn't want to. I swear to you he didn't. He only did it because they threatened us. When he was younger and didn't have anyone in his life, then maybe he could've tried to tell them no. But then he married Mom and they were able to use her to keep him in line. They could threaten to hurt her if he didn't do what they said. And then I came along and he had to protect both Mom and me. And then he had you to protect. Lilly, he's worked his whole life to protect us. Every day, he worries about us and tries to keep us safe."

Her tears break free, streaming down her face.

I reach for her hand. "Lilly, please don't think differently about him because of what he's done. He's still our dad. He's still the man who took you to swim practice and went to your meets and taught you to ride a bike and made you an art studio in the back yard."

She nods, sniffling, as more tears fall.

"He's not a bad person. He's not a criminal."

"I know," she whispers.

"Then why are you crying?" I ask softly.

"Because it hurts me." She sniffles. "It hurts me to know Dad had to go through all that. They forced him to do those horrible things and I never knew. I never knew what he was going through."

That's why she's crying? Thank God she's not mad at him. Thank God she understands. I thought she'd be like I was, angry and disgusted with him when I found out what he'd done. I really was ashamed of him back then. But it was only because I didn't understand.

Lilly does understand, and I don't know if it's because of the way I explained it to her or because of her relationship with my dad. Their relationship is much different than mine was with him when I was her age. My dad and I fought constantly, and when we weren't fighting I avoided him or wouldn't talk to him, and he did the same to me. But then he changed and became a better dad and Lilly benefitted from that. During her teen years, they rarely fought and he actually participated in her life and school and all her activities. I wish he'd been that way with me but at least he was with Lilly, and that brought them closer.

"But they don't make him do those things anymore?" she asks, sniffling.

"No, but they could. That's where you come in. If Dean becomes a member, Reed will be a member."

"Wait—what? He doesn't have a choice?"

"Dad said Dean signed a contract for both him and Reed, meaning Reed is automatically a member when his dad joins, whether he wants to be or not."

"And they'll make him do bad things?"

"Yes. And if you marry Reed, you'll become part of it by marriage. You can't do that, Lilly. I know you love Reed but if being with him means joining the organization, you can't do it. It's dangerous. You'll be putting yourself at risk. They say they'll protect you but they lie. You can't trust them. And if you become part of it, Dad will have to go back to being an active member. He'll have to know what's going on there. He won't let you be that close to it without knowing what they're up to at all times. And if Dad's active in it again, there's a chance they could come after me, or my boys when they're older."

"That's why Dad keeps trying to get me away from Reed," she says.

"Yes. It wasn't because he doesn't like Reed. It's because Reed will soon be a member."

"But maybe he won't. Maybe his dad can get out of it."

"His dad is already in it. He signed a contract. He can't get out. And look what they made him do. He's not even a member yet and they made him hire someone to kill Mom. This is what it's like, Lilly. They're constantly threatening you. Making you do horrible things. That will be Reed's life. And yours if you marry him."

She nods, wiping the tears from her eyes.

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