Page 7 of More To Us

It can't be over. This is what I've trained for my whole life. I don't know who I am without it. And more importantly, I owe it to my family to keep trying. They nearly went broke paying for my training, my coach, my travel expenses. And now they have nothing to show for it.

The guilt I feel over that is overwhelming. It eats away at me every day. I have to pay them back. That was the plan. As an elite gymnast, I'd hoped to make money from endorsements and pay back my parents all the money they spent on me. I'd buy them a better house and new cars and I'd buy my brothers all the stuff they wanted but couldn't have all those years my parents' income went to my gymnastics training. It wasn't fair they had to sacrifice everything for me and I promised myself that someday I would make it up to them.

So I don't care what anyone says. My gymnastics career isn't over. The past year I've spent every day trying to get better. I didn't miss a single physical therapy appointment even though each session hurt like hell. And whenever doubts entered my head, I'd shove them away. I have enough people doubting me. I don't need to do it myself. So I force myself to stay positive, which isn't always easy, especially when my leg is aching, like it is right now.

That's why I didn't want to go out tonight, but if I tell Amber that, it'll just be more ammunition for her to use against me. More proof that my leg will never be the same. Another reason why I should give up on my dream.

I've only lived with Amber a week and she's already driving me crazy, watching me like a hawk to see if I'm limping. I think she'd secretly be happy if I was, because it would give her yet another opportunity to try to convince me to move on and accept that my gymnastics career is over.

My parents have been trying to do this for a year and their attempts have gone nowhere. So when I was offered money for college, my parents were overjoyed, assuming college would give me something new to focus us. Plus, they couldn't afford to send me to college themselves so having someone else offer to foot the bill was like a gift from God. My mom even cried when she found out.

The college money came from a car dealership in my hometown. After going to nationals, I became kind of a local celebrity and was hired to do some local commercials, one of which was for this car dealership. The commercials ended after the accident, but the owner of the car dealership felt so badly about what happened to me that he offered to pay for my college.

As soon as Amber found out I was going to college, she called and suggested I go to the same school she goes to, saying how fun it would be to go to the same college, and how I could live in her apartment. That's when her cheerleader side came out. Just like my parents, she was hoping college would help me move on.

So here I am, living in Chicago and sharing an apartment with Amber. It's late August and I start classes in a week. I turned 21 last week so I'll be an old freshman. Amber is also 21 but she's halfway through her junior year because she takes classes every summer.

I hear knocking on the door and get up to open it.

"Hey, Kira." Matt smiles at me and it's that same sad smile Amber gives me whenever the topic of gymnastics comes up. So she told Matt what happened to me? Why did she tell him? Now whenever he sees me, he's going to give me that smile. I don't want him looking at me that way. Feeling sorry for me. Because there's nothing to feel sorry about. I'm going to compete again. I am. I have to.

"Hi." I step aside. "Come on in. Amber's still getting ready."

I wait for Matt to go past me. I don't want him seeing the slight limp I have from the pain and stiffness in my leg. It's because of my workout yesterday. As soon as I got into town I joined a gym, and yesterday I went a little overboard on my workout. But it's what I have to do if I want to compete again. I have to train hard and suffer through the pain. As the saying goes, no pain, no gain.

"So how do you like Chicago?" Matt asks, sitting on one of the chairs. I take the couch.

Our living room furniture is from Amber's grandma, who moved into a nursing home last year. We have a floral print couch, two pink velour recliners, and a wooden coffee table that's been painted white. The furniture is pretty hideous, but it was free so we can't complain. And at least Amber's parents bought us a new TV. It's a 42-inch flat screen which is currently sitting on the floor until we can find someone who knows how to hang it on the wall. We bought the bracket. We just don't know how to install it. Amber asked Matt to do it but he has no handyman skills and we didn't want to risk having him try to install it, then have the TV crash to the floor in the middle of the night. So for now, it sits on the floor, resting against the wall.

"I like it," I say. "I've been to Chicago before. My brothers like the science museum."

"How old are your brothers again?"

He says 'again' because we already talked about this. Matt came over last night for dinner and asked me all these questions about myself, but I'm sure he forgot half of what I said. He wasn't really listening. His attention was all on Amber. He really likes her.

"Josh is 15," I say. "Nate is 12, and Luke is 10."

"Do they play sports?"

"Yeah. Josh plays football, Nate plays basketball, and Luke plays baseball."

"I used to play baseball," Matt says, "but I sucked at it."

Matt doesn't look like an athlete. He's around 5'9 and on the thin side with not much muscle. But he has a good-looking face. Very symmetrical and his eyes are a rich brown color that match his dark hair. I don't know him that well, but so far, he seems like an easygoing, nice guy. But he also seems kind of boring.

The room is silent except for the sound of Amber's blowdryer, which we can hear from the bathroom down the hall. It's not a very big apartment. There's an open living area that includes the kitchen, and then two small bedrooms and a bathroom.

"You said your dad's an insurance agent?" Matt asks, trying to fill the silence.

"Yeah. And my mom helps run the office." I already told him all this last night. I need to find something else to talk about. "So you know anything about this band that's playing tonight?"

"Not much. I've heard of them. I've just never heard them play. I only knew they were playing tonight because the lead singer came into the shop yesterday."

Matt graduated from college last May and got a job as a project manager at some company downtown. But soon he'll have to start paying off his student loans, so he's working at a men's clothing store to make extra cash. He worked there all through college and said it's an easy job because the store only sell suits and most guys go there to buy, not to shop. Matt makes a commission on each sale so it's basically easy money.

"If he's in a band, why does he need a suit?" I ask.

"The band's just a side thing. He's in college, in his senior year. The suit is for job interviews, but he didn't end up buying one. He said he'd come back later. Anyway, we got to talking and he mentioned the band and suggested I stop by to hear them." He shrugs. "Even if they're not that great, it's something to do. And I told him I'd go so I feel like I should." He motions to the bathroom. "How much longer do you think she'll be?"

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