Page 32 of More To Us

I hand her one of the narrow sheets from the holder on the table. "You just check the boxes for whatever ingredients you want and they'll make it."

She hands the sheet back to me. "Will you make me one?"

"You don't want to pick what you want?"

"Surprise me. I eat most anything."

I take one of the tiny pencils from the holder. "You like spicy?"

"Yeah, the spicier the better."

I smile at her. "Same here." I check off the boxes for the main ingredients and the sauce, finishing just as the waiter comes back. "We'll have two of these. And an order of spring rolls." I look at Kira. "You want anything else?"

"No, I'm good." She turns to the waiter. "Can we get separate checks?"

"Sure," he says. "Your meals will be out shortly."

He takes off and I say to Kira, "Separate checks? I'd planned on paying."

"Why? This isn't a date."

"I invited you, so I should pay."

"You can pay next time." She picks up her water and takes a drink.

So she's going out with me again? Does she mean as friends, or more than that?

"How'd you learn to play guitar?" she asks, setting her glass down.

"I asked for one for Christmas when I was eight. I started out by teaching myself and then I took lessons."

"Does anyone else in your family play?"

"No." I laugh as I imagine my brothers trying to play an instrument. "No one in my family is musical. Except for my mom. She used to play piano. She's the one who encouraged me to play the guitar."

"She must love that you're in a band. Does she go to hear you every time you play?"

"She's um..." I hate talking about this. I can't avoid it but I still hate it. "She passed away."

Kira covers her mouth with her hand. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't know. She had a heart attack when I was a freshman in high school. I went to school one morning and when I got home that day, she was gone. It was that sudden."

"Austin, I'm so sorry."

I nod. I never know what to say when it comes to this. Nash always tells me to talk about her life and not her death. It's good advice because talking about her death always chokes me up, even now, years later. Sometimes I still can't believe she's gone.

"My mom's the reason I got into music," I say. "She always encouraged me. My dad did too but he didn't understand it the way my mom did. To her, music was an outlet. A way to express yourself. I felt the same way. Still do. That's why I play. If I didn't, I'd feel...I don't know...like I wasn't being me."

"I feel the same way about gymnastics. It's how I express myself. Without it, I don't know what I'd do. I'd always feel like something is missing."

"But you can't do it forever, right? I mean, when you're in your forties, you probably won't be doing back flips, right?" I smile.

"No. Probably not."

"So how do you fill that void?"

She looks down. "I don't know. I really don't."

---