Page 141 of More To Us

Chapter Twenty-Six

Austin

I just got home from work and am in my apartment, nervously waiting for a call from Paul, the former music exec and son of Harold and June. I called Paul a month ago and left a message but didn't hear back until last week. He'd talked to his mom and she told him I played guitar in a band but that's all she said, so I filled him in on the rest.

When I first called him, I wasn't sure why I was even doing it. Was I looking for advice? Contacts in the music industry? I wasn't sure what to say to him. But then I broke up with Kira and decided to put all my focus on my music. I had a heart-to-heart with Van and Dylan and finally just came out and asked them what's going to happen with the band after they graduate.

Van had no answer, which I knew he wouldn't. He doesn't know what he's doing next week, or even tomorrow, so asking what he'll be doing after he graduates is like asking what he'll be doing when he's fifty. It's too far into the future. He lives day-to-day.

The answer I really wanted was Dylan's. He's our bass player and lead singer. We could find a new bass player, but finding a new singer would change who we are. Vandyl has a certain sound, most of which is driven by Dylan's voice. If he quits, it's over. The band is done.

And it sounds like that's a real possibility. Dylan told me he plans to apply for jobs all over the country. He'd like to stay in Chicago but he'll move to wherever he gets a job. When he said that, I almost asked him about Amber, wondering if he'd stay here if she agreed to go out with him. But then I decided to keep quiet. I'm sure he's already considered that, and at this point, I think that ship has sailed. I sent Amber his phone number and she never called him. And as far as I know, she's still dating Matt.

After finding out the band might be ending this year, I decided to audition for some other bands in and around Chicago. I wasn't planning to ditch Vandyl. I just wanted to see what's out there.

I went to four auditions and all of them were bad. One of the bands fought constantly, even during the audition. Another one was completely disorganized, to the point that they didn't even remember they were holding auditions that day. Then there was one made up of freshmen in high school, which I didn't know until I got there. I left before I even auditioned. And then there was the pot band, which is what I named them because they smoked weed the whole time I was there. They weren't bad musicians, and I could look past their pot habit, but then I saw them doing other drugs and that was it. I told them I wasn't interested.

So at this point, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I've always had this dream of being a musician but always knew it wasn't very realistic. That's why I keep working construction instead of pursuing music full-time. But I feel like it's time to make a decision. It's now or never. If I want this to happen, I need to make it happen, which is why I asked Paul to give me an honest critique. I sent him a video of me playing solo, and one of me playing with the band.

The phone rings just as I was getting a water from the fridge. I close the fridge and answer the phone.

"Hey, Paul. Thanks for calling." I walk over to the living room.

"Sorry I'm a little late. I was on another call."

"No problem. So did you get a chance to watch the videos?"

"I did."

He's quiet, and my heart thumps as I get the sinking feeling that he's about to give me bad news. He didn't like my music. I'm just about to ask him but then he starts talking.

"I was just cueing up the video again," he says. "You definitely have the looks to be a star. And sometimes that's all you need these days."

"I really want to be known for my music, not for how I look."

"Yes, we talked about that last time. So, as for your music, you have a good sound and you have some real talent."

I wait for the 'but' because I can hear it in his voice.

"But there are a lot of guys just as good, and there are a lot who are better than you. And by a lot, I'm talking thousands."

And there's that sinking feeling.

"I'm not saying you're not good," he says. "But you can't just be good in this business. If you really want to play music and get a record contract, you have to be in the top one percent. And I'm sorry, kid, but you're just not there. But to be fair, you're competing with guys who've had training their whole lives and practice ten or twelve hours a day, seven days a week."

"What if I wasn't interested in a contract? What if I just wanted to play music as a career? Any advice?"

"Yeah." He chuckles. "Don't do it."

"What do you mean?"

"Music is a tough business. I've seen it destroy many lives. Hell, it nearly destroyed mine. You want a family someday? A wife? Kids?"

"Yeah," I say, even though I've never really thought about it. But I said it, so does that mean I want that someday? A wife? Kids? Shit, I'm only 21. I'm too young to think about that.

"If you want a family, then make music your hobby, not your career. The music business can tear apart families. You're on the road all the time. You're surrounded by women. Drugs. And the money is hit or miss. It's not a steady job. You don't get a paycheck every week. No health insurance or other benefits. It's not a job for a man with a family. I know you're too young to worry about that but it's something to consider."

An image of Kira keeps popping in my head. It showed up the moment he said 'wife' which is a problem because I'm not dating her and I'm trying to get over her. And yet she's the first girl I thought of when he said it. Probably because I still love her and she's the only girl I've ever imagined having a future with.

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