Page 140 of More To Us

She knows why. She just wants me to say it. But I'm not ready to. I need to think about this. Like Nash said, letting this go would be a loss. A huge loss. It means letting go of a dream I've had since I was a little girl. It means admitting that I'm no longer good enough to compete. It means being okay with the fact that I trained my whole life for something that will never be. And it means accepting that I'm no longer a gymnast.

But it also means getting back the things I've lost by going after this dream. Like my relationship with my parents, which has been strained ever since the accident. And my relationship with Amber, who had to put up with me all those months I was in recovery. She was in college but she'd still call me every day and talk to me, even when I was in a bad mood and depressed and not very pleasant to talk to. I wasn't the greatest friend. I'm still not, but I want to be.

And Austin. Maybe, just maybe, I could get Austin back in my life. Even if he just wanted to be friends, I'd take it. I miss him so much, and I want him in my life again in whatever way possible.

"Do you want to get some dinner?" I ask, changing the subject. "Or are you going out with Matt?"

She looks to the side. "I um...kind of broke up with Matt."

"What?" I grab her arm. "When?"

"Last night."

We walk over to the couch and sit down.

"What happened?"

"I told him I just felt like it wasn't going anywhere. But Kira, I tried. I really did. I like him and think he's a nice guy, and I tried to make it work, but you were right. There's just no spark there."

"What did he say when you told him?"

"He agreed with me. He said he really likes me, but that he could tell there was something missing in our relationship, which I admitted was my fault. I just wasn't into it the way he was. The feelings just weren't there. So we decided to just be friends. He's actually a really good friend. He's a good listener and he's good at offering advice when you need it."

"He's probably a better friend than me," I say softly.

"Kira, that's not what I meant. You're a great friend."

"I used to be, but I haven't been for a long time."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's been all one-sided. You've been a friend to me, but I haven't been a friend back."

"Listen." She turns and pulls her legs up on the couch, crossing them in front of her. "I admit, you've been a pain in the ass since the accident but I don't blame you for that. You were going through a lot, and still are, so I understand why you're sometimes moody, and stubborn, and," she laughs, "pig-headed and—"

"Okay, I get it," I say, laughing with her. "I'm a pain in the ass, and many other not-so-great things." I get serious again. "But I'm going to do better, because I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"You'd never lose me as a friend." She smiles. "If you did, who would give you fashion advice? Which you desperately need by the way."

"Hey!" I point to my navy sweatshirt and jeans. "There's nothing wrong with this."

"Yeah, if you're cleaning the garage. We have to go shopping. You need a serious wardrobe overhaul. You need to show off that body of yours. Get a few dresses and some better skirts."

"And where am I going to wear all this stuff? I'm not wearing a dress to class."

"You can wear it on your dates." She pauses, then cautiously says, "With Austin."

"Amber, he's not gonna go out with me again. He hasn't even talked to me since he broke up with me."

"So get him back."

"It's not that easy."

She grins. "Since when do you like easy? The Kira I know likes a challenge. The harder the better. And she doesn't give up."

I just smile, because she's right. When I want something, I go after it. And I don't give up.

I want Austin, and I'm going to try to get him back. I'm not sure how yet, but I'm going to start by talking to him, being honest with him. And we'll go from there.

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