Page 13 of Semi-Fallen

She’d never been in a more calming, soothing place than this. The gentle caress of the salty breeze on her skin, the sparkle of the moonlight dancing across the water, the vibration of the waves hitting the shore that she could feel in her bones…it was more restorative than any meditation or yoga she’d ever done.

And still her nerves were strung tighter than a bow.

She had so many questions. She’d always had so many questions about who she was, where she’d come from, who her birth parents were. And sitting next to her on this quiet stretch of Hawaiian beach, quietly watching the waves lapping at the shore, was maybe the only person on this planet, or any other, who could give her actual answers.

It was so damn overwhelming she was having trouble thinking clearly.

Lucien glanced over at her, one side of his mouth quirked up in a half smile. “I can tell that you have questions. Go ahead and ask. I can’t provide all the answers you seek, but I’ll give you what I can.”

The thought of him giving her what he could made her inappropriately tingly for a second or two as her mind drifted firmly into the gutter. It had been a long, long time since any man had given her anything worthwhile. Like orgasms, for example. She’d been giving herself what she needed for years now, and it was always adequate.

Something told her that Lucien-provided orgasms would be way better than adequate.

But that so wasn’t the point now.

Seriously, though…what about sex? Was it forbidden to have sex with humans, or was it only forbidden to have babies with humans?

But that wasn’t the point, either!

Lane forced her mind out of the red-light district and moved on to more pressing matters. Who do you think will come after me if you don’t kill me?

Lucien shrugged. “Whoever is next up on the list to take my place when I fail. I have no idea how those things are decided. And I’ve never failed before, so it’s never been an issue.”

She swallowed hard. How many like me have you killed?

He met her gaze unflinchingly. “Eight hundred and twelve.”

Well, that was specific. She’s expected a round number or a ballpark figure. You remember them all?

“Every single one.”

She didn’t need to be able to hear to know he wasn’t proud of his kill count. The tense set of his shoulders and the muscle that jumped in his jaw told her that much. He took no pleasure in killing.

Why’d you do it?

He glanced back at the water for a long moment, and Lane thought he might not answer. She wondered if maybe she’d somehow offended him. She hoped not. After all, he was doing her a solid by not killing her. The least she could do was not piss him off.

Still glancing out at the water, he signed, When soldiers here don’t follow orders, people die. It’s the same principle for soldiers of Heaven, but on a much grander scale. The structure of entire worlds depends on Heaven running as it should.

She laid a hand on his arm until he glanced back at her. She tried—and failed—to ignore the tingle that shot up her arm as her fingertips met the warm skin of his thick forearm. Am I a danger to this world?

His gaze fell to her mouth, and she felt the weight of his eyes on her as surely as if he’d touched her. “I don’t think so,” he said. “If you meant to destroy this place, I have no doubt you could. But I sense no violence in you.”

Is that why you won’t kill me? What makes me different than the other eight hundred and twelve?

His brow furrowed as his gaze moved from her hands back up to her eyes. “I can’t answer either of those questions. Maybe you aren’t different. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m different now. All I know is that when I had the opportunity to kill you, I couldn’t. It would’ve been…wrong. I felt like I would’ve been…”

Killing a part of yourself.

He frowned. “Yes.”

She brushed a bit of sand off her pajama pants before signing, That’s how I knew you were watching me, even when I couldn’t see you. I felt like there was something familiar about you. Something like…maybe we knew each other on some level.

What he said next must have been barely a whisper, maybe a murmur, because she could barely see his lips move. But she would’ve sworn he said, “Perhaps we do, sweetling. Perhaps we do.”

The warmth she felt at his endearment quickly faded as an ugly thought occurred to her. What will happen to you if you defy your orders?

His crooked smile did naughty, naughty things to her train of thought. “Are you worried about me?”

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