CHAPTER 4
MEKAYLA
“He makes me nervous.”
“I think you’re scared, Mekayla.”
I frowned at Keonshay as we enjoyed lunch. Yesterday was an intense train wreck. Jacob had seen my demons surface, and I hated that shit. When I left Nome, I drove straight to my counselor’s office so she could calm me down. I was so worked up I probably would have scared LaTee. My heart had gotten involved in his story, and I felt so sorry for him. However, that shit brought my trauma front and center. My abandonment issues were speaking loudly. It was why I never let anyone get close to me.
I had told Keonshay about him. She was the only person I talked to about shit like this. She was six years older than me and much wiser. I knew she would hit the nail right on the head. I couldn’t let her know that immediately though. “Scared of what?”
“Being abandoned. Being in love. Trusting someone other than your siblings, Mama, and Daddy.”
I knew she was speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Moses and not Mercedes. Shay’s father was deceased, and mine might as well have been dead too. I took a deep breath and slowly shook my head. “Shay, the man is gorgeous, and he wants to soothe my demons. I can see it in his eyes. He wants to be with me, but I can’t allow that shit. I can’t be all in only to be left alone again.”
She grabbed my hands as we sat at Fuzzy Taco, waiting for our fish tacos. “Mekayla, you have to let go of the past to truly enjoy the present. If you feel something for this man, what’s wrong with getting to know him? What’s wrong with feeling his affection? Try to live life without fear of the unknown. Is he a fuck boy? Is he a thug? Is that what has you hesitant?”
I shrugged my shoulders. Jacob’s business was his business. It wasn’t for me to tell anyone, not even Shay.
“Well, what does he do for a living?”
“He’s a mechanic for his family’s business. He works on farm equipment.”
“He’s a country boy? You didn’t tell me that! What type of business does his family have?” she asked, propping her chin on her hand.
I rolled my eyes, knowing she was about to flip her lid. “Henderson Ranch and Farms.”
She frowned. “The ones that have rice and shit in the stores?”
I nodded. She grabbed her tea and sucked the shit through that straw at record speeds. I rolled my eyes again. “I don’t need to see your skills, Shay. Save that shit for Kace.”
She almost choked as I chuckled. “Heifer!” she said when she calmed down. “Are you serious? They were just on TV talking about Nome. Who is WJ Henderson to him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. His mama is Jenahra. She has long gray hair.”
“Oh my goodness! She was on the news too! It’s like eight siblings. WJ is the CEO. So he’s his uncle. Mekayla, I’m not just saying this because of who they are, but if he seems like a good guy, there is only one way to find out more. You have to let your guard down and talk to him. You won’t turn into who you once were. That version of you is long gone.”
“Shiiid, I don’t know. With the right situation, she may reemerge. I don’t wanna see that stupid ass girl in my adult life.”
“She wasn’t stupid. She was hurting, acting out of pain. She felt unloved and unwanted. That isn’t who you are now, boo. You know just how loved you are.”
I nodded and took another deep breath as the worker set our food on the table and told us to enjoy. After saying grace, I began eating, letting my mind drift to Jacob. He’d texted me this morning, wishing me a great day. He was really trying to find a way in. That card he gave me was beautiful. That man poured his feelings all over it.
I closed my eyes for a moment as I recalled the words.
I’m so sorry, Ms. Chatmon, for not being considerate of your time. Although I had a lot going on, that’s not an excuse to not communicate. I hope that doesn’t ruin our working relationship, because I don’t know what I would do without you… not just as a therapist. You know I want more with you, but until I can convince you of that, I have no choice but to just wait to see you three days a week. I find myself not wanting to get better just so you can keep coming… so I can keep seeing you. Please find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a chance.
Glancing up at Shay, I grabbed my phone and responded to his message. Thank you. You have a great day also.
We had a session tomorrow, and I already knew after this discussion with Keonshay, I wouldn’t be able to hide my attraction to him.
“Mekayla?”
Keonshay and I both looked up from our food to see a man standing over our table. I frowned as I realized it was my father. He’d aged and not like a fine wine. The nigga looked like he was damn near dead. “Hello, Stacy,” I said, doing my best to remain calm.
“Stacy? Is that how you address me?”
“Is that not your name?” I asked.