Page 40 of Make Me Remember

“No, ma’am. I’m in Nome. Is everything okay?”

I could hear the tremble in her voice.

“I had to call the paramedics for your father. When I got to his house, he was on the floor grunting. He doesn’t look good, Mekayla.”

“Okay. We’re on our way. What hospital?”

“Saint Elizabeth.”

“Okay.”

After ending the call, Jacob stood and helped me from the couch. “Give me a few minutes, and I’ll go with y’all.”

Apparently, he could hear the conversation. LaTee stared at me, waiting to be filled in. “Grandpa Stacy is in the hospital.”

“I had a dream that he was walking up some stairs.”

“When?”

“Last night. I forgot about it until you said his name. He never stopped climbing stairs. He just disappeared.”

I frowned slightly. My baby was having a vision. God was showing her that my dad’s time was winding up. I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer, asking God for just a little more time. My prayer was somewhat selfish, because I wasn’t ready to let go. All I could think about was the time I didn’t get with him… the childhood I missed out on because he and Mercedes weren’t mentally ready to be parents.

I grabbed my purse and LaTee’s hand as I saw Jacob rejoining us. He gave me a slight smile and said, “Come on. We’ll go in my SUV.”

I followed him out to his garage, and he directed me to park my car inside. I did so as he helped LaTee into his vehicle. It felt like I was on autopilot. Because of my trauma history, I developed a habit of zoning out.

While I was sexually active at a young age, I mostly zoned out during the moment. It was a habit I developed when Jivoni’s dad violated me. Whenever something bothered me, I zoned out. I was happy I didn’t develop that specifically to cope with sex since that was where it originated. I wanted to believe that counseling had a lot to do with why that didn’t happen.

“Baby, you okay?”

I turned to see Jacob standing at my door. He’d opened it for me without me even noticing it. “Umm… yeah. Sorry.”

Before I could get out, he went to his haunches in front of me. His gaze pulled shit out of me that I’d planned to keep to myself without him saying a word.

“I’m just thinking of the childhood I missed out on. Now that Stacy is the father I always wanted him to be, God is taking him away. I should have been able to have fun as a kid, running through sprinklers, sliding on a Slip ’N Slide, playing keep away, or even hide and go seek. I didn’t get any of that. Keonshay was too busy being a mama, and I was too busy trying to act like the mama who didn’t know how to be one.”

I brought my hands to my face, and he gently pulled them away. “It’s okay to feel all of that. You don’t have to suppress it, baby.”

I nodded then glanced down at his knee. “It doesn’t hurt for you to be in that position?”

“A lil bit, but not as much as it used to,” he said as he stood.

“That’s good.”

He pulled me from my seat and hugged me then kissed my head. “Let’s get to the hospital.”

I nodded as a chill went through me. I had a feeling I was going to lose my father today. Accepting that was hard because of the seemingly wonderful person he’d become, but this only served as a reminder to cherish life and all that it had to offer. I needed to embrace Mercedes even more and thank God for the changes she’d made as well. I longed to have a positive relationship with her as a kid, and that longing didn’t go away as an adult. It was just reprioritized. LaTee took that number one spot.

Jacob helped me inside his SUV, and I could see LaTee staring at me from the back seat. I glanced at her and said, “I’m okay, baby. I just hate that Grandpa Stacy is sick.”

“I know. I just don’t like to see you sad. It makes me sad. I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, sunshine.”

I closed my eyes for a moment as Jacob got inside. When he grabbed my hand, I opened them. He was definitely the man for me. He understood me in ways I couldn’t even explain. I could only attribute it to God’s faithfulness. He handpicked Jacob just for me. Although he was a couple of years younger, I felt like He created him with me in mind, knowing that I would need someone like him to continue this journey of life with.

I didn’t take that for granted, and I could only pray that I didn’t do something to make Jacob take that for granted either. Emotionally unstable Mekayla was toxic at best. That was still something I needed to get a handle on. Being that this emotion was bringing me back to my past and all the trauma I’d overcome, it made me weak and defensive at the same time. I lashed out at the people I loved the most. God, keep my mind and emotions in Your hands.

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