Page 80 of The Life of Anna-Tenth Anniversary Edition: Act 2

The deafening cheers from the audience echoed in her ears, yet in the midst of their adoration, a haunting emptiness engulfed her. She smiled, her movements graceful and poised, but within her chest an overwhelming surge of isolation left her feeling lost, longing for something she couldn’t name.

She hoped her tears would be mistaken for tears of joy. There were multiple curtain calls, and Anna smiled bravely and curtsied humbly, but inside, unseen and unheard amidst the clamor of ovation, her heart was shattered.

When she could finally escape, she somehow managed to avoid the well-wishers backstage and ran to her dressing room, falling to the floor and weeping.

The tears fell in steady streams to form dark spots on the rug beneath her face. “Oh, Alex,” she sobbed. “Why did you leave me here alone?”

The sadness and despair wrung her heart and tears dry until she could cry no more.

After sitting for a moment in the silence of her dressing room, she slowly stood and began to get ready for the party. She was glad she’d chosen a simple blue satin dress for the occasion. A more embellished dress would have been too over-the-top celebratory, and as much as she knew she should be ecstatic, she remained sober.

By the time Peter knocked on her door, she was composed and calm, but he saw through the façade. “Why did you run away?”

She swallowed, uncertain she could speak without losing control again. She finally choked out a single word. “Lonely.”

Peter murmured something in Russian and pulled her close, holding her tight.

She closed her eyes and relaxed into his embrace, letting his love soothe her aching heart. They had been together about a year now and she couldn’t imagine her life without him.

Together, they walked out to the party and into a swarm of well-wishers, including Peter’s family. For a while, she was distracted enough to forget her broken heart. At least a little. Even Devin seemed pleased, which was more of a relief than a cause for joy.

Later, as she lay in Peter’s arms after lovemaking, she stared into the darkness and the loneliness consumed her again.

A smile played at Anna’s lips as Alex slowly came into focus. She always appeared near the foot of his bed and he usually was standing near the window on the opposite side of the room.

This time was no different, though when he saw her, he smiled and came to sit on the bed next to where she was standing. “Hello, Schatzi.”

The sound of his voice brought tears to her eyes. She gazed into Alex’s loving blue eyes, wishing more than ever that he was still alive. How she longed to feel his arms around her. For him to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright. But it was just a dream. She was alone, no matter how real the dreams felt.

“Schatzi, what’s wrong?”

She smiled weakly as tears began to fall. “I danced Giselle tonight.” She took a deep breath. “And I was so lonely. There was no one there for me. Even Aaron’s gone.”

Tears filled Alex’s eyes as he looked at her, his face filled with such sorrow that Anna could almost imagine him really there with her.

“Mein armer Schatzi,” he murmured. “I am so sorry. But it will not be like this forever, Anna. I promise.”

“Promises of a dead man...” She shook her head and sighed. “Promises that can’t be kept.”

Alex’s brows twitched and he swallowed hard. She could almost imagine that she had hurt him, but she knew it was only her imagination.

“You’ve been dead for three-and-a-half years, Alex. We were only married for three months. Why can’t I let you go?”

“Don’t give up, Anna. I will come for you.”

Frustration welled up in her heart and she backed away. “Why do you say that? You’re dead. You can’t come for me!” She clenched her fists and shook her head violently. “No!”

“No!” Anna sat up in bed.

Peter wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close. “You were dreaming of Alex, weren’t you?”

She nodded. “How did you know?”

“You were talking in your sleep.”

“He always tells me he’ll come for me. To not give up hope.” She rolled to her side, burying her face in the soft hair on Peter’s chest. “Promises of a dead man...”

Peter gently stroked her hair and kissed her head.

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