Page 392 of The Life of Anna-Tenth Anniversary Edition: Act 1

“We’re not staying?”

Wilhelm shook his head. “I’m not in the mood.”

Anna lay huddled on the floor in front of the fireplace in Alex’s room, unable to find peace in sleep. Her eyes remained locked on the fading flames, their red coals flickering like a rhythmic pulse, lost in thoughts of Alex. If she could have ripped her heart of out of her chest, she would have. The pain was insistent and she could not ignore it, no matter how much she tried to think about something—anything—besides Alex.

She sat up suddenly, remembering the pill Devin had given her. He’d promised it would make her feel better. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom where she had hidden it in a drawer. Staring at it, she wondered how such a tiny thing could bring the promised relief.

She filled a cup with water and swallowed the pill, then returned to the fireplace to curl up in the chair. How long would it take to kick in? What would it feel like?

After a while, a warmth spread through her chest. The anguish in her heart dulled, and she let out a soft sigh of relief. The pain still lingered, but it was now bearable. She glanced at the expansive bed and it no longer felt as foreboding as before.

She was crawling in under the covers when a sound from the bathroom reached her ears. Her heart pounded as a shadow slid through the door and walk toward her. A man. A familiar man. “Alex?”

“Nein, Engel,” came the voice from the shadow. Kurt’s face slowly emerged from the darkness and he paused by the bed and caressed her cheek. “I wanted to check and see how you were doing.”

She gazed up into his eyes and put her hand on his. Lifting up on her knees, she pressed her lips to his.

He groaned. “Anna...” He pushed her back onto the bed, kissing her and wrapping his arms around her. “O, mein Engel.”

His kisses felt so good. His touch was incredible. “Make love to me, Kurt,” she whispered. And he did.

She didn’t dream that night.

Chapter 185

Kurt held Anna tightly against his bare chest, her back to his front, and kissed the back of her head.

Anna was awake, but she didn’t know if Kurt knew. The ache in her heart was back. Kurt’s voice was too much like Alex’s. His embrace was too much like Alex’s. She lay in the bed that she and Alex had shared as husband and wife in his family’s home. Everything reminded her of Alex, and she didn’t want to remember him. The pain was unbearable.

The pill had worked. She’d felt better, just as Devin had said she would. But now she felt as bad as she had before. Maybe worse. She could deal with the pain of life as a dull ache. It was the stabbing, heart-wrenching pain that she couldn’t deal with. And that’s what she’d woken up with.

She decided she would ask Devin if he had more of those pills at the funeral service. If she had one, she could make it through the day.

Kurt’s hand slid down to her breast and cupped it gently. That felt good, too. Sex and those little white pills. Maybe even dancing. But she couldn’t dance all the time.

She pressed her breast into his hand. “Yes, Kurt,” she whispered and pressed her rear back against his erection.

He kissed her neck and gently pushed her onto her back to kiss her breast. “Such a beautiful sight in the morning...”

Once Kurt had left to get ready for the morning service, Anna found herself in the pit of despair once more. She had no pills. Kurt was gone, so there was no sex to be had. And she wasn’t in the mood to dance, nor was there time. She had to get ready for the funeral.

After showering and dressing in the modest black dress and heels that someone had laid out for her, she went downstairs for breakfast. The company dancers took up most of the long table and several stood and greeted her with hugs as she walked into the expansive dining room. She hadn’t visited with them since they’d arrived, but she didn’t really want to. It was nice that they had come all this way, but it didn’t help her feel any better.

An older woman set a plate in front of her and she stared at it for a long time. It smelled delicious—eggs and bacon and toast—but her stomach clenched and she pushed it away. She stood and walked out to the long room at the front of the house where Alex had proposed. She sighed and walked to the window and looked outside. It was raining again. She leaned her head against the cool glass and closed her eyes.

“Guten Morgen, Anna.” Wilhelm appeared next to her. “How are you feeling?”

Anna sighed. “I don’t like feeling. It hurts.”

“I understand that, Liebling. Sometimes it seems easier to be numb.”

Anna nodded.

“But I am glad you are talking again. I was worried.”

“I didn’t mean to worry you.” She looked up at him, but quickly looked away. Looking at him was looking at Alex. She adored Wilhelm, but being with him was painful. Being here was painful. “Devin offered to take me home tomorrow,” she said without thinking.

“He did?” His voice wavered. “Anna, you are welcome to stay here as long as you would like. You are part of our family. Alex’s death has changed nothing.”

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