Page 264 of The Life of Anna-Tenth Anniversary Edition: Act 1

“It is alright, Engel. Really.” He smiled. “I think it might be better if you sleep with Vati, though. I do not know if I could control myself if you were in my bed.”

“Kurt—‍”

“Anna, I do not want to hurt you. I do not want to do something unconsciously and make you regret it in the morning. Vati has far more self-control than I do.”

“That comes from self-discipline,” Wilhelm said with an amused smile.

In the end, Anna went to sleep in Wilhelm’s room, where he held her all night. His comforting embrace helped ease the pain in her heart, if only for a little while.

Thursday rehearsals were long. Jenna told Anna that she’d seen Ben and that he’d been miserable. That she’d tried to fill in the gaps for him, answering questions as best as she could.

“I think he’ll forgive you. He loves you a lot and misses you. It’s just a crapload of shit to process. I told him what Devin had done to you and that it’s not your fault.”

Anna’s spirit lifted after that. If Jenna had seen him and talked to him, then maybe he would eventually forgive Anna. She kept her phone near her at all times, in case Ben tried to call, but her phone remained stubbornly silent. When she returned to the hotel that evening, she still hadn’t heard from him.

“You must give him time,” Kurt said, squeezing her hand. “It is a lot to process.”

Chapter 124

Friday came at last. Anna’s nerves were raw as she worked through her morning class. Would Ben call? Would he attend the performance? She forgot her anxiety while she moved through her warm-ups and center work, but when the music stopped, the worries came storming back into her mind.

When she checked her phone at lunch break, her heart skipped a beat at the sight of an awaiting voicemail. It was Ben. “Hey, Anna. I’m ready to talk now. I’ll be at the performance tonight and we can talk at the after-party, okay? I’ll see you then.”

Anna blinked as she listened to Ben’s voice. His message lacked the usual “I love you,” and his tone sounded strained. She played the message over and over, desperately hoping to hear something she might have missed, but the same twenty-six words kept repeating themselves. While knowing he would be at the performance brought her some comfort, the absence of those three little words left her uneasy. She was certain Ben was going to tell her he never wanted to see her again. But why would he come to the performance and after-party if that were true?

The afternoon dragged on and once she arrived at the opera house early that evening to get warmed up and ready, she did her best to concentrate on preparing for the evening’s performance. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and carefully tied the green chiffon ribbon around the base. The gold sequined bikini halter-top was low cut, tight enough that it stayed in place, yet showed a nice amount of cleavage. The low-hung green chiffon pants were gathered at the ankles with gold cuffs. A green velvet belt with gold embroidery sat low on her hips, and the coins attached around it tinkled when she walked and danced.

Shortly before the second act, a dozen pink roses arrived at her dressing room without a card. She stared at them for a long moment, trying not to cry. Why did Alex send those to her? She sat down hard on the beat-up couch along the side wall and stared at the beautiful blossoms. She supposed she didn’t have a reason to avoid going to Germany now that she was no longer with Ben. Unless he was going to forgive her. But even if he did, she still had to go to Germany. At least she could tell him the truth about why she was going.

Once again, she felt her heart reaching out to Alex’s, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to rein in her heart again. While Alex had been gone, it was easy to forget about him and love Ben. But what if Alex returned to San Francisco? Even if Alex didn’t care for her any longer, she knew her heart was still tied to his. Was that fair to Ben?

As much as it hurt, maybe this was all for the best.

While they waited in the wings for their turn in the second act, Travis hugged Anna and told her everything would be okay. “If he doesn’t forgive you, I’ll go beat him until he does,” Travis whispered in the darkness of the wings.

Anna gave a tight smile. “Thanks.”

The music for the Spanish dance concluded, and they moved into position. When the music for the Arabian dance began, she stepped out on stage with Travis behind her and, like magic, the world fell away until only dance remained.

After the show, Anna rushed back to her dressing room, her stomach a mass of bees and butterflies. Within the hour, she would know Ben’s decision. After talking with Travis and Jenna, she realized the only reason he would come to the performance was because he still wanted to be with her. Why else would he have called and told her?

But was that wise? Whatever he had decided, she knew she needed to be honest with him about Alex. Then Ben would know everything and they could make the decision together. Hopefully.

She listened for a knock at the door while she cleaned up and changed, half-hoping Ben would come see her backstage, but the door remained silent. When she was ready, she texted him to let him know she was heading over to the party and would see him soon.

Her hands shook and her stomach churned as she made her way across town to the hotel where the party was taking place. Ben was nowhere in sight when she walked in, but Wilhelm and Kurt were near the bar, and she made her way over to say hello.

Wilhelm beamed and kissed her cheek. “You were wunderbar, Liebling,”

Kurt hugged her hard. “Ja, you were.”

“Thank you.” Her heart warmed at their praise and she told them about Ben’s message.

“Well, then, do not just stand there.” Kurt motioned to the center of the room with an encouraging smile. “Go find him.”

She hugged him and turned to leave, but Devin stepped in her way. She gasped and jumped back. “Hello, Anna. Wonderful performance tonight.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m glad I allowed you to continue dancing.”

“Th-thank you, Devin.” She resisted the urge to peer around him, but couldn’t keep her eyes from darting around, searching for Ben.

---