Page 135 of Master of My Heart

Maybe he needed a new approach. “Do you think what happened to you was your fault? That you being taken was your fault?”

She shook her head again. “You should take me home, Chase. You needn’t bother with me.”

“Bother with you?”

She looked up. “You don’t want to marry me,” she whispered in a broken voice. “You deserve someone better.”

“Better?” he exclaimed softly. “Why would you say something like that?” But he knew why. She believed she was a whore. It was a deep belief that had probably been ingrained into her head for years. “What happened to you, what they did, it doesn’t define you. You aren’t what they made you do.”

She was quiet for a long time. Tears started running down her cheeks. When she finally looked up, her eyes were defiant. “I liked what they made me do,” she choked. “I liked it. I got off on it. I accepted it and joined in on it.” She stood and paced across the room, then back. “I got off on the pain.” She jabbed her finger toward the window. “When I was taken, when I was with Neil... Some of it felt good. The pain... It somehow makes the pleasure feel even better.” Tears streamed down her face and she crossed her arms, her expression daring him to speak. “I did unspeakable things for Khyan and Ramon. They asked and I did it. And I liked it.”

When she started pacing again, he stayed quiet. She was finally talking, and he wasn’t going to do anything to stop it. The dam had burst and it needed to be emptied.

“I caused my mother and my grandmother to die horrible deaths. Because of me, because of my weakness, because of my stupidity, they died. So painfully.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can still hear their screams as Khyan did... it.”

He could only imagine what it had been like to see someone tortured to death. He’d seen what Neil had done to her, but her visceral reactions told him that was nothing compared to what she’d seen and experienced before she’d escaped to Boston. He wanted to run to her, wrap his arms around her, and take away the pain. But he knew he had to let her finish.

Her eyes snapped open. “Do you know how I escaped?” she asked, her voice hoarse. “I killed them. I killed them all with my bare hands.” She held up her hands and looked at them.

When she spoke again, her voice was soft and full of pain. “Do you really want to be with a murderer? With a whore who gets off on pain?” Her chest heaved, her face was red, her eyes wide with terror and defiance. “You are the best man I have ever met. You deserve far better than someone like me.”

He searched her eyes and knew she was done. His heart broke for her pain, for everything she’d been through. He slowly stood and walked across the room to stand in front of her. He cupped her chin. She looked up at him, eyes turning fearful. She had bared her soul to him. It was only fair he do the same.

“I try and be a good man, but I’m not. I’ve killed before, Sabrina. I’ve killed for my country, I’ve killed for jobs, but I’ve killed in anger, too.” He closed his eyes, remembering the scene. “In Syria, before you came to me, we were searching a village. We knew insurgents hid there. It was the middle of the night and I heard a little kid crying and screaming. I left the team to go search. I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl. I only heard the cries.”

He felt his blood boil as he remembered what he saw as he walked into that upstairs room. A little boy was bent over a table in the corner as a man raped him from behind. The boy could only have been ten or so and he was screaming in pain. Chase walked over and grabbed the man’s head, breaking his neck with one twist. The little boy had screamed as the man fell and started hitting Chase, then he knelt and hugged the dead man crying out “father” in Arabic.

“It was his father. His father was raping him, and the boy was angry that I had killed him,” he said slowly. He looked at Sabrina. “Was I wrong?” he asked, his voice cracking like a teenager going through puberty. He’d never told anyone about that. Not even Ethan knew. He’d slipped back to his unit, claiming to have gone to take a piss when asked where he’d disappeared to.

She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, searching his eyes. The rush of energy told him she was reading him. “Why did you hide that from people? You saved that boy.”

“He didn’t think I did.”

“At the moment, he didn’t. But looking back, he will know.”

“Am I a murderer?”

Her eyes softened. “Why would you think that? You’re a hero.” She gave him a soft smile.

“Then why do you call yourself a murderer?”

Her jaw trembled and she pressed her lips together. “It’s different. I wasn’t protecting anyone.”

“You weren’t?” He tilted his head. “I think you were.”

She frowned and shook her head. “No. I wasn’t really in control of what happened.” Her face tightened in pain. “I killed an innocent, too. A little girl who was in the room with us.”

Chase thought he understood what had happened. Alex had explained that when half-Immortals get really, really angry, they can go into an uncontrollable rage. They’d kill anyone in sight. “You were protecting someone, Sabrina. Yourself. It’s something that can happen to someone like you. It was self-defense, not murder.”

“But that girl—”

“When it happens, you’re not in control of yourself. You couldn’t stop.”

“I’d done it before. That’s why my grandmother was tortured to death. Because I was bad.”

“Sabrina...” He sighed. “The men who held you were playing psychological games with you. Self-defense is not murder. Killing someone else as punishment because you acted in self-defense is fucked up. Really fucked up.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, but it didn’t seem like it was in pain. “He—” Her eyes snapped open. “It was Master who did that,” she exclaimed softly. “He...” She made a face, then frowned. “I had a memory. I could see something for just a moment, but it’s gone now.” She rubbed her face and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

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