Page 154 of Ruthless Savage

But as soon as I passed the professor’s office, I had a panic attack. I had to leave school. Haven’t been to Karen’s dorm room either. I hear there’s a whole memorial on her door—photos, ribbons, notes taped on the wall. I can’t look at any of that. Easier to pretend it doesn’t exist.

“If anyone needs to speak to someone…” the dean goes on. “We have resources available for you.”

I look around at the stricken faces, students crying as they hold each other. I just shake my head because they have no idea who they’re crying over. The professor had everyone fooled.

But my family didn’t want her true identity coming out, so they kept it under wraps. Paid off the cops so they could forge the reports to say that Karen was in the car with the professor. That they both died inside on impact. And that was it. Not like anyone will dispute it.

Karen’s father apparently died a couple of years ago. Devlin says there’s talk that her mom did it when she found out he was cheating.

I turn to Devlin. “Can we go now?”

He sighs. “Yeah, sure.”

I start walking away, shoving a few people as I try to maneuver myself out of here. Devlin follows me, walking right up beside me.

“Can we talk?” He grabs my hand, but I shove it off.

“There’s nothing left for me here. I’ll finish the semester online if they let me, or transfer out.”

“Eriu. We need to talk about this.” He stops mid-stride and curls an arm around my back to keep me close. Tentatively, he cups my cheek. “I don’t want you stuffing this down and dealing with it on your own. Nothing good comes from that. I’m telling you from experience.”

“Please, I don’t wanna hear this right now.” Ignoring him, I head for his car.

“I love you, lass. I don’t want to see you hurting this way. Just talk to someone.”

I snicker, rolling my eyes.

“Talking won’t make it better,” I snap. “Every place reminds me of Karen. I hear her laughter in my sleep. The things she’d say to me. The fun we had.” Bitter laughter escapes me. “And it was all a lie. Do you know how stupid I feel?”

I stop in the middle of the street and grab my head, squeezing my temples.

He tugs my jaw up between two fingers. “Maybe it wasn’t all a lie. Maybe what she said was true. She did a bad thing, but she regretted it. She loved you. I saw it. You saw it too, and that’s why it kills you, isn’t it? Because you love her too.”

My chin trembles, tears blanketing my vision, and with a sob, I throw myself into his arms and cry against his chest.

I cry for our friendship. I cry for the way she hurt me. But most of all, I cry because I can’t tell her that I forgive her.

I want just one more day to tell her that I love her too.

CHAPTER 37

DEVLIN

TWO WEEKS LATER

Eriu refuses to talk to me. She’d rather pretend it never happened. She puts on a happy smile, but I hear her crying in the shower. I know she has a lot of emotions she’s not dealing with.

After my brother was killed, I didn’t deal with shite. I kept it all in, and I don’t want her to suffer like I did.

But I can’t force her to talk either. Iseult has tried too, but she shuts everyone down, saying we’re not helping by bringing up what happened.

It’s easier to hide from pain. The hard part comes from embracing it and learning to let it go. I hope she realizes that sooner than I did.

I have eyes on Eriu at all times. But it’s Rogue and another Quinn enforcer who are keeping tabs when I’m doing work for the Quinns. I still hate having someone else watch her, but I can’t be everywhere at once.

She doesn’t know I’ve got two people on her. But I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to this woman. It’s for her own safety. And for my peace of mind.

I can’t lose my wife. I’d die without her.

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